Mourning Nibbles

I wrote most of this in a PM to a dear friend and member here and I felt it would make a good story. So, here it is ... Oh, she is/was a tiny flying squirrel ...

It worked for a while. She was still in her nest box sleeping and would come out at night to eat and play. It stopped working a few days ago. Now, every day, I relive the day I strummed my fingers across the cage of her habitat loudly to scare her out of her nest box but she didn't come on August 1, 2003. I had not seen her for days which wasn't unusual as she came out at night when I was asleep. But I had noticed no signs of food being eaten or water missing from her drinking. I had to find her. So I then opened the back of the nest box but it was STUFFED with the shredded blanket from top to bottom that she used as nesting material.

Then I got the trash can and put it close to the habitat so I could throw away her nesting material as I searched for her within. As I tore away at her nesting material and threw it away, I didn't get far. There she was curled up. Her face was contorted. She was dead. I wanted to scream but didn't. I went numb as I pulled her body out of the nest box. I held her body as I pulled the nesting material away from her left hind leg. It was stuck in a death grip! I pulled and pulled until I was afraid the force of my pulling would break her tiny foot off. Then I held her tiny foot and gently pulled away, little by little, the blanket material that she held in such a death grip until I had gotten most of it.
I'm sure there was some still curled in her tiny little foot.

I imagined her hanging on, trying to stay alive and holding onto that piece of blanket nesting material until she took her last breath. Her face was so very contorted!

I put her in a plastic bag on the kitchen counter until I decided what to do with her. I kept looking at her through that plastic bag.

I then called Kenny and told him that she had died and I had her body in a plastic bag. After talking a short while, he persuaded me to bury her in the back yard.

That night and the next night it rained really, really hard. I imagined her little body drenched in the soil and rotting. I had buried her body without the plastic bag. Then the migraines began and lasted 8 days. I threw my guts up a few times, the migraines were so bad.

Finally, I put her cage back together with her nest box, seeds, nuts, water and toys. I "pretended" she was still in her habitat inside her nest box asleep during the day since she was nocturnal then coming out at night to eat and play. That is when the migraines stopped! I "brought her back to life" and the migraines stopped. This worked very well for a couple weeks or so.

A few days ago, I stopped being able to "pretend" any longer. Daily I relive the terror of finding her dead and in that state inside her nest box. I am able to cry now and do a lot of it. After experiencing that day for a while and crying, I can't stay awake. I have to sleep. I believe it is an escape.

I have never, ever reacted to the death of a pet like this before. There are birds I have tried to save and have died ... many of them. They are all buried in my back yard and I got over it quickly. I have had to have dogs and cats put to sleep. I grieved and got over it.

I don't know when I shall ever stop reliving that day.

Now, I have this "new thing" ever since I found her dead. I imagine waking up and Amber bird comes out of her nest box and into her cage then climbs to the top. She is much younger than Alex who is over 10 years old which is quite old for a Quaker parrot.

Then I imagine that I go to check on Alex. I lift the top of the nest box and he is dead in there! I pick him up, bring him over to the computer desk and set his body down between the monitor and the keypad. Then I write to you to tell you what has happened.

I tell you how human Alex was. That he had a huge vocabulary and many times said what he really meant. I tell you of his wide variety of emotions. I tell you I don't know what to do with his body and ask you what should I do? How can I bury him when he was so human ... I ask you. Again, this is just in my imagination.

Nibbles is gone but far from forgotten. Alex bird is alive and well. How will this story end? I don't know.

I shall continue this story as events unfold.

In a post on the main board, I had calculated her age incorrectly. I thought she was over 5 years old. I recalculated and she was only about three. In captivity, flying squirrels are supposed to live as long as 15 years. In the wild they live from 3 to 5 years. Nibbles had gotten ill and I didn't pick up on it. That is apparent.

I had rescued her as an orphan at 2 weeks of age and formula fed her, weaned her onto mealy worms then sprig millet. Then came the seeds, nuts and fruit.

I had tried to release her when the time came. Kenny had built a release cage to specifications and I had placed it upstairs in the back room window so I could reach inside to feed and water her. Her nest box also was in the release cage. But she just wouldn't leave.

I had bought a huge habitat for my sugar gliders that I had at that time but later found homes for along with many love birds due to finances. Sugar gliders are tiny, furry, marsupial animals with tails and look a lot like flying squirrels but, as I said are marsupials.

I bought natural branches for Nibbles new large habitat and screwed them into the sides and front for her to sit upon. She loved sitting on them and preening herself and I loved to watch. She also loved her ropie toy with wooden beads and her toy slipper.

She would take the nuts and seeds (but not the fruit) and store them in her toy slipper and the front of her nest box. She was a real prepper. Nibbles would never do her hoarding when I was watching. Once, though, I caught her and watched for a few minutes. When she realized I was watching, she stopped and jumped to a branch as if to say, "I wasn't doing anything. You didn't catch me."

She would come out of her habitat and crawl all over me, my shirt, pants, the top of my head and stick herself on the front of my face to kiss my lips. She loved watching TV, especially programs with animals on them. Nibbles would sit on my lap or my pants leg and watch TV with me.

She loved to be petted under her chin, the sides of her face and behind her ears. She was so active, playful and affectionate.

Nibbles was such a joy and very, very low maintenance as far as her care.

I sure to miss her. Writing these stories will help me, I'm sure.