after supper, March 11/03
Oh my, just where do I start? As much as bad news seemed to breed more bad news a few months ago, it seems more welcome events bring even more good fortune. I'm almost too excited to write & my hand is still shaking. The Bible speaks of "joy coming in the morning" & didn't that happen today? But wait, I'm mentally tripping all over myself here, trying to get all this down before I lose my initial impressions. Forgive me, my dear descendants, if I don't seem to follow logical trains of thought here in this entry, but my heart is full, brimming with thankfulness, love & all that good stuff. I suppose I should make at least a token attempt to speak of the last several days before I note down today's momentous events.
First & yes, we enjoyed our day off. We did those chores which had to be done, seeing to the stock, cooking, tidying up & dealing with sewage & other mundane matters but we "concentrated" on resting & regaining our energy. As I'd said, there's always more snow to be shovelled & as long as one person can clamber over drifts, we can see to the stock.
The following day, yesterday, we finished the spring cleaning - all of it. All the house, (women don't do half measures when it comes to spring cleaning), was made spic & span, curtains hung & cupboards organized in everyone's section of the old house. I grumbled when Noreen insisted that the remaining 6 empty rooms be cleaneed too, but now I'm SO glad she insisted. MT & the kids finished tidying up & re-organizing the pantries & cold rooms & redid our freezer logs. We were finished the work shortly after lunch as all heartily wanted that set of jobs completed & out of the way.
Maxine insisted the kids take baths & change into clean clothes. Sam trimmed their hair - must remind myself to find the old clippers I've had stored away for years back at my place. Supper was wonderful & we enjoyed singing a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday for Andy. Birthday gifts proved to be no problem at all. Andy has always been a keen chess player & Drew had located & cleaned up an old set his grand dad had made, carved from local woods. The workmanship is stunning & Andy was appropriately grateful. The boys put their heads together & gave Andy a "certificate" promising to take 10 hours of his outhouse duties. That was imaginative & we all had a good chuckle. Cindy, knowing how much Andy loves kids gave perhaps the most special gift of all. She told Andy that she's decided he's to be the god father of her baby & that if it's a boy, Andy will be one of his two middle names. Noreen presented him with a deed to 200 acres of excellent farm land - for the future, she says; for when he has a family of his own. I didn't realize that part of Drew & Noreen's holdings belonged solely to Noreen. Anne & I really had to think this one through & we ended up promising him we'd find him the best shortwave set we could locate in town. I feel bad about that - but bought presents seem meaningless when all can simply be picked up & brought home. Andy didn't see it that way. He reminded both Anne & I that we've helped him a great deal with his college tuition over the past several years & that has been more help than he can explain properly. Louise gave him a painting from her house that Andy has always admired - a piece she paintedd herself some years back.
All in all, it was a great feast & we went through mountains of food. Even the boys are eating almost as much as adults would have before The Outbreak. Annette was almost in tears, having not thought of anything for Andy but he took her for a walk later, to "discuss" with her what he wanted from her. It's between the two of them, but Annette seemed a little less care worn when they returned.
On the topic of Annette, the changes in her are causing us all a great deal of sorrow. She's pale, quiet & has been 'ghosting' through the various parts of the house. She spent quite a bit of time in prayer with MT & we can only pray ourselves that this will help bring her peace of mind. She shrinks from much time spent with the group & positively avoids being alone with any of the adults. MT is advising giving her time & space, treating her normally, but being sensitive to her state of mind. We're trying, although we ALL want our old Annette back. Still, she's back among us & that in itself is a good start.
After the birthday supper, we did the dishes, cleaneed the kitchen & did the evening chores, seeing to the stock & firewood & such. Then, we prepared to open the strong box. I brought up from the cellar, a few bottles of good wine & some bottles of soda for the kids. Funny, as eager as we all were to see what was inside, we hesitated to open it. We spent a few minutes just sitting there, staring at that little box until Sam started laughing & said we all reminded him of a kid not wanting to open a bad report card. So, while I held the box still, Andy tried to hammer the lock off. It took a few good blows, but he finally broke the hasp, then handed the box to Drew. Cripes, I suspeect I wasn't the only one who felt as if he were in church - talk about a solemn moment!
Anyway, Drew opened the box & what a fascinating collection of items he found! First, I should explain the box measured about 12 x 18 x 10 inches - plenty of room for documents & such. Sure enough, most of what was in there was paperwork. Perhaps the most significant item was Drew's great grand dad's manumission papers - crumpled, stained, but my!, what a treasure for Drew. Next was a piece of brown paper with very crooked writing: the same man's first attempt to write: "My name is Sampson Lacroix"; his slave name I suppose as that name has not come down through the generations. On the back of this paper was a note from the man's teacher, attesting that indeed, this was his first time writing that sentence. A small journal written by Sampson was also among the papers in the box. Drew is reading through it now & promised to share what he finds. He says it's an account of the end of the war & how his great grand dad made his way to these parts. There are a few bills of sale - one for 10 acres of land, one for a mule, plough & a milk cow. I expect those are some of the first items & animals Drew's people bought when they arrived in this area.
There were several news clippings of personal interest to Drew. Birth & death notices of his forefathers & other relatives & the first section of the local paper published the day after Pearl Harbour. There WERE love letters; between Drew's grand dad & grand mother & Drew may or may not share those with us. It will depend on what they contain. There was a little oilskin packet of soil with a note attached. It's soil from where Sampson came from in Louisiana. There was also the first coin Sampson ever owned. I wonder what he went without to keep it? There are a number of other such items, newspaper lists of local high school graduates which include a few of Drew's great uncles & a newspaper article noting how his grand dad put out a barn fire one night before it could really catch hold. Fascinating stuff really, especially when one reads between the lines.
Perhaps to us in particular, taped to the under side of the box was a "letter" from Timmy's parents to him which Anne & I wrote together. That was not a fun job; we both cried. Perhaps we're wrong in encouraging his delusion that mom & dad could write but my God, here's a little boy who's lost everything, a little boy who's shown us he's not short of courage or common sense & if a "letter" from his parents helps ease his mind, why not? Luckily, he's told us a great deal about his parents, about favorite books they used to read to him, the special names they had for him & how they said good night. We were able to incorporate that into his letter although he cried, these weren't simply tears of sorrow. I truly think he feels or will feel, better having had some final word. I pray to God we didn't make a huge mistake there & later, when he's older & must realize what we did; I hope he sees our gesture for what it truly was.
We spent a few hours after opening the box, talking over some of the things which it contained. I'll have to explain the slavery & bigotry issue to the boys & if Drew lets us look at some of the material, it will be an invaluable addition to our discussions of history. Sammy had a great idea. He thinks we should make a time capsule of our own. Everyone seemed to like that & we've given ourselves the year to individually put aside things we think should be included. If space is a problem, we can always bury a barrel! fter the year, we'll spend some evenings discussing what should & shouldn't go in. The one thing I've asked is that each take time to think where we all will be five, ten & twenty years from now, what we'll be doing as individuals & a nation.
Now for the biggest & best news. Wait - I should set this up properly. We'd all gone to bed & while I suspect we all took time to fall asleep, we all slept long & well. The early morning was typical of our days here. The boys cleaned out the fireplaces & wood stoves, dumped the ashes & did the morning dishes. Annette, MT & Cindy did a quick tidy up, while the men saw to the stock & did more shovelling. We were all indoors in Drew's kitchen, taking a hot chocolate & tea break when Annette suddenly shushed us. She was sitting closest to the front window overlooking the road & swore she heard something. We all hushed & rushed to look, but nothing was to be seen or heard. Andy went upstairs with binoculars & shouted down within a minute or so that there was something on the road, headed our way. We all tore upstairs & almost fought over the three sets of binoculars.
Andy was right; there WAS something coming down the road. Believe it ro not, there were three teams of sled dogs within about a quarter mile of the front gate! I don't think any of us could believe what we were seeing at first & when I finally came back to reality, it was to see Sam quietly checking the rifles. That brought me to earth with a jarring crash. I had MT & Cindy dress the kids in their outdoor clothing - quickly; then they headed for the back part of the cellar. The rest of us, not knowing what to expect, armed ourselves & spread out over the house, trying to cover as many sight lines as we could.
I doubt any of us knew what to think. I had the irrational thought that it might be the military, coming to see "if we were fine" or worse. Sam & Andy worried about looters & I'm still not sure what the rest thought. The adults had little time to discuss this, but we decided that Drew & Sam, as the most intimidating of us in appearance, should do any face to face dealings required. Anne of course, was concerned with smallpox, so we agreed that if they tried to come any closer than the front gate, we'd fire over their heads & warn them off. Or at least, make sure they got no further until we knew who they were & what this was about.
Of all the things I expected, dog teams had to be about the farthest down the list. Each sled appeared to have 6 - 8 dogs pulling it & were fully loaded. I could see a person on the back runners of each sled & four others, obviously armed & paying attention. Two were in frfont of the dogs & two taking up positions behind the sleds. They weren't moving too quickly for which I was grateful. When you find yourself that surprised, time is helpful.
It took about another 45 minutes for them to get close to the front gate. It was too late, had we been so inclined, to hide the evidence of our occupation. The chimneys were belching out smoke & we HAD shovelled. We could only hope & pray that whoever they were, they were healthy & meant us no harm. The wait seemed endless, but we didn't dare risk exposing ourselves to their gun sights; even at the distance they were initially.
They finally arrived near the gate & to our relief, stopped the dogs. By then we had a clearer picture of what we were facing. There were 7 adults & older teens, from the looks of it & 2 of the sleds had children sitting on them, wrapped under blankets. There looked to be four or five kids - hard to tell when your heart is pounding & nervous sweat running into your eyes.
One of the adults walked up to the gate - no farther, then carefully, in an exaggerated fashion, lay his rifle down & waved a white - towel? The others also disarmed themselves & held up their arms, trying to signal no ill intent I figured. Sam snapped out from the front door that no one among us was to get in front of a window or otherwise move. He stood to the side of the door, then slowely pushed it open & waited. We could hear yelling frrom the front, where the group had stopped; calling for Drew. Drew boomed back at him; something to the effect of: "who are you & what do you want?"
Now here was where I just sagged. It was JAKE! We had no time for anything else. Cindy had returned upstairs while we were waiting & as soon as she heard his voice, she yelped & barrelled out the front door, screaming his name all the while. She must have fallen three or four times trying to get to the front gate & I've lost track of how many times Jake slipped running to her. Well that pretty much put an end to our caution. If that was Jake, then surely they meant us no harm.
Wow! What a wonderfully, confused time followed that! The news simply got better. One of the other men was Joe of all people & I don't think I need say how Louise felt about that! There were also two women, one in her early thirties & one just shy of Andy's years, two teenaged boys, (more on that later!), a third man about Drew's age & yes, five children. The youngest is just a few months older than Timmy, two are Sammy's age & one is about a year older than Greg. And what a story they had to tell us. There's much too much to put here at once. Suffice it to say they all survived The Outbreak - all but the young woman & the three year who's her son who never became ill & over the past few months, they've found each other & now, thank the Good Lord - us.
Need I explain that the house was full of joyous confusion, happy tears & beaming smiles the rest of the day? We nearly forgot to check the stock that evening & I swear, no one has had taken a good breath between explanations & all manner of talk. We have much yet to tell each other, but for now we'll leave it at this. Our group has grown with the addition of these dozen new members. Our lost family members have been returned to us, in good health & all have tales to tell of their adventures the last few months. Thank goodness we cleaned ALL of the house. We're almost bursting at the seams now but thankfully, we're not short of good food for everyone. Oh they're all fairly well fed, but now we can fatten the calf & give them all some good home cooking. Jake has promised to tell his story tonight & I'm just waiting for the dishes to be finished, the hub bub to still a bit, then I'll join the others & we'll all listen. We've decided that's the best way to do it; everyone will tell their story one evning at a time & I'll transcribe the highlights.
But not tonight, no matter how fantastic a story Jake has for us. Tonight, I'll be content to sit back & listen, to give thanks for the safe return of my son & the others he has brought us.
God is good.
late evening, March 13/03
Jake's Story...
I wish I had a way to write what Jake had to say verbatim; but some sections were pretty disjointed & while I tape recorded while he spoke, he encouraged me to listen to some parts again & edit as I see fit. I hope I've done so in a manner that does his experiences justice. I've stayed with a chronological account of his doings & added his thoughts, feelings & impressions as he related them to us. It's the best I can do & his story speaks for itself. I took the liberty of "writing" it in the first person.
I'm Jake, son of Tom & Anne, husband of Cindy & this is my story of the early days of the outbreak. I don't need to go over what happened when we were still all together. This starts when I left, to go join the local National Guard Unit & contribute as best I could to the relief effort. I didn't want to go - not with my family here & especially my wife, who's expecting our first child. But I felt a greater duty calling me & couldn't refuse. A lot has happened, both to me & to others & I've had the opportunity to witness much of the local efforts as well as being made aware of what was happening in other parts of the state & country.
They were glad to see me at the armory. I had my ID with me, but the local commander was smart enough to run me through a few quick & dirty tests. I suppose identification can be forged & in those first days with so little real information available, better safe than sorry was the watchword.
I'm a military police officer, a sergeant first class but in light of all that needed doing, I was given a field promotion to Lieutenant. I had a platoon of 20 or so mps under my command, not nearly enough for all we had to do, but we were so few to try & deal with so much. My initial tasking involved guarding supply convoys for the vaccination clinics. We picked them up about 20 miles out of town & made sure they got in safely. It was unnerving to say the least. At first, most of the truck drivers were civilians, the guards a combination of military & police. Things went well; the roads were in fairly good shape & people were still too stunned to try any nonsense. They were glad to see the supplies arrive & few made even the slightest attempt to make life difficult for us. Morale was fairly high among the troops. We'd all had our vaccines & were more than willing to do what we could to limit damage.
I heard stories from some of the other men about what conditions were like at the clinics. Panic was never far away & there were all kinds of unfortunate incidents. A number of terrified members of the public attacked staff at various clinics, fearing that they'd not get vaccine or that the vaccine was what was spreading the plague. Some just... lost it; for reasons no one could determine. Under the circumstances, I suppose that's to be expected although I never thought so many would lose their wits. We quickly gave up on trying to control looting. Most were simply after food for themselves & their families, not to mention medical supplies. If we'd try to keep that alone under control, we'd have had time for nothing else.
We had details delivering rations for a time but that system quickly broke down. We couldn't get adequate amounts of food after the first week or so & by then, so many were sick & dying that in some neighborhoods, few came to pick up supplies. We gave up on body collection too - simply too many to deal with & with it being winter, what's the point? I wish we had. The corpses will have to be dealt with before they begin spreading disease & before the vermin multiply too badly. Who will do it is another question. Those who remain alive here have other, more basic concerns; such as keeping alive themselves.
Anyway, they kept my detail on convoy protection for the better part of 2 weeks. Over that time, many convoys we expected simply never showed up. Whether they were stopped by storms, lack of fuel or were ambushed by those desperate for what they contained is a question I may never find an answer to; someone would have to find out, then spread the information. Again, no one is left with time to spare. We lost most of our civilian drivers after the first week. They may have sickened, may have simply quit - we may never know. We were down to only 2 vaccination clinics open by then anyway & few people were risking leaving their homes. It was known, or at least strongly suspected by then, that at least one of the circulating strains seemed to be able to circumvent the vaccines. And let's face it, working in biological warfare gear doesn't allow us time to do very much, even in the dead of winter. Most had stopped wearing more than a mask by then I know, in spite of my haranguing them, most had stopped being careful about hand washing & other basic hygiene measures. It's hard to fault the troops really, we often had no warm water, little soap & even less time.
By the end of the second week, the unit had a lot of troops ill, in spite of the vaccines & we weren't able to do much more than offer emergency snow clearing around the town hall & hospital. We also did some limited patrolling near the hospitals & care centers & kept an eye out for fires & other obvious hazards. Man, that's hard stuff to take. That's not the sort of scenario we train for. In all my regular & Guard time, we trained with the assumption that for the most part, we held the balance of power. If we didn't outnumber the enemy, we had the better equipment & training. Now, all those presumptions are gone. They fled quickly in the face of new realities. How do you outnumber fear & starvation? How do you overpower disease, storms & lack of communication? How do you compensate for a power vacuum at all levels? Don't get me wrong; I'm not faulting the different levels of government, our commanders or troops. It's simply that circumstances overcame the resources we had far too quickly.
I was losing men to disease, death & desertion by the end of January; the whole unit was. When I left last week, we were down to roughly twenty men, some rations, a few generators & no fuel. I was the senior officer left, a captain by then.. The CO & XO were dead & those senior to me sick or simply... gone. Can't blame them. They all have families, friends & neighbors & with the sights we've seen, it's a wonder so many stuck it out as long as they did. I took the liberty of formally disbanding our unit's attempts to work in an organized fashion. I told them there was little we could do until spring comes, that we'd all be best returning to our homes & seeing who was left & what manner of things we had left to work with. The three young lads we had, those with no families they knew of, volunteered to remain at the armory with the radio sets. There's enough fuel left to maintain enough power to monitor radio & other frequencies. Those boys will do just that & if there's any significant news we need to be aware of, they'll mount a green flag from the top of the transmission antenna. They'll leave that up for 72 hours, giving those of us remaining a chance to get into town to find out what the news is. None of us who left fear the disease anymore; we've all had plenty of chances to catch it & haven't. As for our own safety, we're all armed & I can't see why too many would be inclined to bother us. I cautioned everyone not to appear as though they're carrying food or other essentials; THAT could bring them unwanted attention. Other than that, any news beats no news at all & while I hope no one takes too many risks, we could all use some good news.
I'm a bit out of sequence here & I'm sorry for that, but much of what I did & saw blurs together. You remember coming across your first bad case, your first death but after that; your mind thankfully becomes numb to the horrors around you... most of the time. I had to check homes, to see if there were any inside sick & alone, in need of help - as long as that sort of effort was able to be maintained. It was heart rending to find homes where everyone was gone & it was clear that the very young had died last. Some died of cold & of starvation, not of the illness itself. In more than one home, it was obvious that starving pets had killed babies. But, I don't really want to talk about that. I have enough nightmares.
For all the disease & death, for all the countless tragedies playing out, some ARE alive & show every sign of staying well. Or to put it another way, I doubt they'll get smallpox. Other things might kill them. It became frustrating to not be able to answer questions after a short time. Many homes still had one or more survivors & many of those had taken food & other necessities from the homes of the dead. They have enough for months in some cases, but want to know what happens after that. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to not be able to give them a straight answer? They expected, because I represented authority I suppose, that I'd be able to hand them the answers all tidily wrapped up in a neat package. "I don't know" was not at all what anyone wanted to hear. Mind you, most took those words with some measure of grace. I was being honest; I'm not about to lie when the situation is already so dire. All I could do was advise them to do their best to stay alive & well, to at least put a few drops of bleach in their water, to try their best to make sure food was safe & to not take unnecessary risks. I suggested that those who've been ill & recovered, or who had been exposed & not contracted the disease might think about trying to contact anyone left alive in their neighborhoods. I reasoned that groups of people have a better chance than do individuals & told them what I was saying had been suggested by the President himself. I was blunt with most, telling them that we'd have to rebuild a bit at a time, starting at the local level. I think most will rise to the challenge. Oh they'll make mistakes, but they'll do their damnedest to survive & improve their lot. But there are a number who seemingly are still waiting for someone, anyone, to bail him or her out. "Helpless hand wringers" & I have limited patience for those.
I saw more than one household where a single adult was caring for either a number of very young children, the infirm or elderly & they were doing a damned good job. They didn't have complaints as much as concerns. Then there were, are; those who I had to fight not to slap sense into. Young, healthy people but devoid of common sense & guts. One stupid b*tch, (sorry, but she was), whined something about HATING to work in dirt: "It's full of WORMS & bugs!” That was her reason why she won't think of gardening this spring. Yet there she sat in a house with a good acre of land out back & obviously good health. Okay, I was patient with her, suggesting that perhaps she had valuable skills she could trade for food & other needs. That was no help; she whined something about not being able to figure out what her services were worth. No, I didn't ask what services she had in mind, but I think she made that pretty clear! I'm afraid we'll be saddled with more than our share of these conniving, self centered idiots & I can't be bothered. There's way too much to do to help those willing & able to work hard. Screw the con artists & manipulators!
Too many homes are altogether empty. Some of these have been checked for food, obviously but many others stand silent & cold, undisturbed since their occupants died or fled. In a way, that's good. It means some food, canned & boxed items, is there for the taking when people are ready to venture out. It may be enough to tide many over until they can begin to harvest crops. We've lost or are losing about 90% of our people throughout all of this, so surely there will be something to eat this spring & summer. What I wouldn't give to know more about gardening, about farming. Well Drew & Noreen will teach me everything I need & I only hope I learn quickly.
I suppose I should, at this point, tell what I know about the rest of the country. In terms of numbers of sick, dead or dying; we listened to local radio too & they were giving it straight. We were getting the same data. I don't envy the federal government or what's left of it & that's precious little. Most of the Cabinet is dead - probably because of their age & the same applies, I'm afraid, to the branches of Congress. For all intents & purposes, we have NO effective government at any level right now & that won't change quickly. Too much needs to be rebuilt, reconstituted before we can begin to even think in those terms. The President, in his radio messages, has it right. Everyone must look after themselves & their families first, start rebuilding their communities as best they can & only then will we be able to look to rebuilding at state & national levels. Our work was tiring & tedious, but required little brainpower. I had lots of time to talk to my men, members of the unit at large & others I ran into. I heard some pretty good ideas & I'm convinced that practical wisdom of that sort is not limited to our local area.
The best one I heard is to reconvene what's left of our local Guard come mid April or so, before too many get too busy trying to grow food. We'll write out & post signs all over town & ask those with CBs & short waves still operating to transmit the info. The radio station will as well. We'd like to convene a meeting of as many as possible who remain alive. It will do us all good to see other faces & we may even be able to do a rough count of who's left. We're going to recommend people find land, several acres per person & do their damnedest to plant what they need. There must be other farmers left with lots of land, seed, but little labor. This would be a good opportunity to put together the farmers with potential laborers. Yes, it will be back breaking work but may be our best hope for next winter. Forgive the terminology, but perhaps collectives of workers, those with some valuable skills & also knowledge can form up with the aim of growing food for next winter. I think if we can get most of who is left by spring, through the winter, we'll have the roots of a good solid community - people who know what work is & what's required to rebuild.
I'm not holding out any hope for more of a start than that. It HAS to be local. When I think it through, the disease looks like it will leave us with only 28 million survivors. That may sound like a lot, but how will they be distributed? How many of those will survive the first year? There will be accidents, famine for some, disease, stupidity & natural disasters we can't foresee. The cities are hellholes; that's what we've been hearing. Some of those gangs ran nuts during the first few weeks. Any of those who survived - well I don't know if they can change their mind set. It seems ridiculous to me to fight over turf when the whole damned country is open, but they're urban hoods. They'd probably freak if they were in a park big enough to block all view of 'civilization'. They may prefer to rob, raid & pillage for what they need in terms of food. I expect after a short time, they'll find they'll have quite the battles on their hands, but until then, how many on either side will die?
We may have states relatively unscathed while others will have been picked almost clean by variola. It may be a long time before we discover what situation fits what area. I'm glad to be here. Yeah, winters are miserably cold, but it's good farmland. We're prone to tornadoes, but not many & not often. Blizzards we can deal with. I doubt we'll lack for combustible fuels for quite some time yet & later we can trade fuel for food with other regions - once we get to that level of rebuilding.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about priorities for this year, thinking & talking to other folk. We all agree that needs are pretty basic for the short & medium term. We have to stay alive. To do that, we have to feed ourselves & pay attention to basic safety. I fear we may lose a lot of young children to accidents. They probably won't be as well supervised as they were pre-Outbreak. Our ancestors almost took it for granted that they'd lose children along the way & we may be back to that state for a time. We need to find those with medical skills, like mom & animal husbandry & farm skills, like Drew, Noreen & Sarah. We need teachers - our kids need to start learning very quickly. I hope some of our specialists in crucial fields, farming, animal health, medicine, food safety & such can teach what they know. The students will probably be far more willing to learn - more motivated & we simply need, on a local level, to identify those with the skills, those with the willingness to learn & match them up. I predict the apprenticeship system may come back for a time.
Law enforcement is something we need to examine carefully. I don't want to see all the stupid local ordinances or invasions of privacy brought back. But we need some basic rules & people to make sure they're kept. We can't have pedophiles, thieves & murderers roaming the streets at will. For that matter, considering how little personal property now has living owners, what exactly would constitute theft in this new time? And if we have some kind of local government, how do we handle dealing with other regions nearby? Man, it makes my brain spin to think of all we need to consider, plan for & execute. I'd love to simply start filling the old slots, but the old systems were ponderous, overburdened & probably unnecessary. We first have to pare everything back to the minimum needed. But that's not my headache - certainly not right now. All I want to do now is do my share around here, keep Cindy & the rest safe & see my baby this summer. Everything else is going to have to take a back seat to that.
It's later now, after nine & the young ones are in bed. We took a break for coffee & simply to catch our breath, but now I'd best bring up those matters I didn't want to bring up in front of the little ones. First, orphans. There are more than I expected; maybe several hundred with no one to care for them. Most have gathered in small gangs if you will. They're fiercely loyal to each other & determined to stay alive. Many shy away from adults, fearing we'll somehow make their lives worse. I don't expect they think much of us as a whole. It wasn't kids that did this & they know it. There have been some scum preying on these babies. One of my privates found a man trying to rape a girl; couldn't have been older than 10. He shot him, summarily & none of us were prepared to dispute his decision. There are rumors of men & women holding children & forcing them to perform unspeakable acts. I don't doubt that, even in our quiet corner of the country. Evil is everywhere, even if it remains dormant until trying times appear. Those running the orphanage & yes, it's still running, now have over 100 children between the ages of a few months to almost 16. We've put out the word that it's there & have tried to leave crude maps showing where it's located, for those children still out there inclined to find help. A number of men, now bereft of families, are providing the labor & guard services needed to keep it running. They have plenty of food & we saw to it they have fuel; firewood for fireplaces & wood stoves & diesel for the few generators they have. They have lots of clothing. I 'liberated' the kids’ clothing & shoe sections of 2 of the department stores & we trucked that stuff over. Anyway, we hope more children will find their way there. It may not be ideal, but it's better than being on the streets.
Those we encountered over 16, we encouraged to group together, not to form street gangs, but to protect each other. Safety in numbers & all that stuff; right? Some, those who swore they were sixteen but appeared younger; we reminded that the orphanage is there. They might find hot food, warm beds & clean clothing there in exchange for help with the younger ones. Some took us up on that. Some preferred where ever they were. Some of those kids we'll lose, but I think most have proved resourceful enough to make it. We have to, as a community; place a lot of emphasis on those kids. They're almost adults, but still need to be tempered by experience & knowledge. We'll have to consider how to teach them what they need to know as adults, without insulting them by treating them as ignorant & inexperienced, which most actually are. Maybe Sam & Dad will have some ideas there.
I think our drug problem, that is; addicts is about gone. We secured most medical equipment, the unit did, as quickly as possible to keep it out of the hands of druggies. The remaining doctors have some, the hospitals & care centers have most of the rest. Dad, I figure you & mom made sure you have plenty of that sort of stuff on hand. The drunks we're stuck with until they either end up killing themselves somehow or run out of booze. That won't be for a while yet. The stores selling alcohol had stocked up for New Year's. We did find a lot of drunks & druggies dead - whether through overdose, freezing to death or accidents doesn't matter; they're weeding themselves out pretty fast. The idiots are too - harsh as that may sound. We saw a lot of people who we presume died of carbon monoxide poisoning, heating with kerosene & other flammable liquids without proper ventilation. There have been fires, I'm sure you've seen some even from here. Several downtown blocks are burnt to the ground. There have been car crashes. With all the vehicles lying around, people simply helped themselves. I saw one crash - about 8 teens squashed into a car, obviously had been drinking & hit a tree at speed. Not fun to see & we couldn't do a thing. We'll see more dumb accidents over the next few months, be it stupidity, ignorance or people simply trying what seems like a good idea at the time without properly thinking it through.
The last month or so, I've simply done the best I could on any given day. I tried to bring the mayor any important information I had, where we thought people might still be living & what areas appeared abandoned, especially farms. Drew, I knew someone was still here, but I'll tell you now, farmland not occupied is going to be assigned to families & groups. People have to feed themselves. I'm glad you're still here, Drew. I thought of you often & somehow I knew that I'd find the family here. If not actually here, I figured you'd have been in contact with them somehow. Anyhow, I couldn't do much in town other than try & check homes which I couldn't be sure had been checked. Not even entirely sure what I was looking for. Well, I do. I was trying to find survivors, anybody at all. When I managed to locate people who'd not been sick at all or who had been ill & recovered & were living close to others, I suggested they get together. Some did, others chose to wait until spring. Any young children I found I brought to the orphanage. The older ones, well I couldn't really force them, but I made note of where I found them & tried to check back to see how they were doing.
Lord of the Flies wasn't far off. It doesn't take much for kids to revert back to an almost prehistoric mind set. You against me. Everybody out for themselves & their group, that sort of thinking. Most looked upon me with extreme suspicion. I played it cool, never getting too close & trying hard not to appear to be threat. In some cases, a few visits convinced these kids I truly meant no harm & some eventually made it to the orphanage or found other kids with whom they could stay. I did come across some kids who unfortunately didn't believe death is permanent. All those guns around - there have been some terrible accidents among the younger kids. I'll leave it to your imaginations, but it was ugly sometimes.
Medically, the news hasn't changed much. The disease is running its course although the care centers, what's left of them, are expecting a resurgence come spring when more are out & about. That makes sense as some have managed to avoid all contact with others for a fair period of time. They may not be immune & many didn't choose or couldn't get the vaccine. That brings me back to the bodies. We're going to have to deal with those somehow. The rat population is already increasing & feral dogs are becoming a major concern. We need to talk that over with the kids & soon. There are all sorts of new hazards out there & I'm not comfortable with the idea of them roaming around the place without an adult nearby or one of the older kids; Annette or the boys. We need to think that through & set up some strict rules for them.
If it's any consolation, a number of women who've survived or didn't get sick are expecting. I don't know how they'll make out, but it's encouraging to think we have babies coming. It's hope for the future. I pray they prove immune, as there must be a fair bit of virus lying around - everywhere.
Now, this next part is going to be hard to talk about & forgive me if I need to take a break now & then. Forgive me period. I've had to do things I never dreamed I would have to do. First let me explain something; I'm not used to being seen as the bad guy. When I wear my uniform, I'm defending my country & what it stands for. It was a shock to have so many viewing me as the enemy, especially children. And what after all, was I doing? I was helping bring through essential supplies, trying to locate the sick & the dead & wanting to be sure people were as well as they could be under whatever circumstances they found themselves in.
For the most part, that was how I was received & seen; as someone trying hard to help. An unsettling number of people however, chose to see me as the enemy. They were convinced I was there to take them away somewhere or take their food & other essential needs. Not at all. God almighty, if we'd wanted to do that, we would have needed a hundred times the men we had available, somewhere to take everyone & the means to care for them. Sadly, many couldn't be convinced of that & all my men & me could do was assure them others remained alive & that we'd patrol when we could. I had more than a few rifles & shotguns pointed at me.
The first incident came on the third day. We came upon a house where all were ill, terribly ill. It looked to me as though three of the four had confluent smallpox & the fourth, a young girl of about twelve was ill as well. I'm not sure she had smallpox, but she was absolutely raving. She was convinced we were there to kill everyone & she fired a few shots in our direction. Thankfully she missed, but when she reached for a shotgun, it became even more frightening. She actually shot one of my corporals, not badly thank goodness, but we had to take her down. No, we didn't shoot her, but in the struggle, she struck her neck on the edge of the kitchen counter & snapped it. She must have been dead instantly, but that came as no comfort to any of us. In retrospect, I'm not sure what we could have done differently. We couldn't get close enough to her initially to disarm her & weren't in a position to se the shotgun. When we did grab her, she lunged towards us before pulling back. A jar of some kind of oil on the counter fell & smashed, leaving the floor very slippery. I slipped, she slipped & then the accident. I think God may forgive me for that; the question is can I forgive myself. I badly mishandled that one & must try & think of what I could do differently. I wish I'd had a taser or something, even mace would have helped, but that was back in the truck.
The second & final incident was the worst. We were doing an evening patrol & as darkness fell, we began taking shots from a very dark alley. We couldn't use flashlights without giving away our positions but repeatedly called for whoever was there to stop firing; we weren't "after" anybody. We simply were trying to pass by, but we'd not be able to let them stay there if they were firing at people passing by. They refused to answer other than firing off more rounds. One of my privates lost it & ended up lobbing in a couple of grenades without checking with the squad leader or myself first. That certainly ended the shooting, but when we eventually, cautiously made our way in, we discovered four... children, young boys were couldn't have been more than 10 or 12. None looked ill, they were well dressed & looked well fed. My soldier saw what he'd done & before we could stop him, before we could disarm him until we were sure he was alright; well he turned his rifle on himself.
I'm a lousy leader. I should have made it clear, well before we encountered any such problems, what the troops were & were NOT to do. I'm just as glad the unit has broken up; God knows who else would end up dead because of me. I really screwed up & I'm ashamed to have to tell you all. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't though & if you can't accept this or forgive me, I'll understand. Cindy & I can move back into Dad's house if you'll let us or some other house. If you somehow find it in your hearts to accept the unacceptable, please understand that I need a bit of time to work this through. I have nightmares where it happens over & over, both incidents & I'm not sure how to deal with it. I'm not sure how to deal with any of this, frankly...
Now I was going to tell you about these last few days, but I was the last one to find my way to the group which joined you yesterday. I think I'll leave that for the others. Let's just say I'm glad I found them & even more grateful I found you all well. You don't know how much I've thought of you all, MT - your wisdom, dad & mom; you always give me good advice & my brothers for their support. Cindy I missed more than words can explain & when I thought of perhaps never seeing my baby, I wept. It will be a long time before I feel I've seen enough of you all or spoken to you enough. If you do allow me to stay, I'll do my best to work hard & keep us fed. Drew, you'll have to walk & talk me through farming; I don't have a clue what's involved, but you can count on me to contribute.
My throat is pretty dry & I'm getting a little upset again. If you all don't mind, I'd like to take a little walk, then spend time with Cindy. You let me know soon please, if I can stay...
And that pretty much ended Jake's story, although I'll add quickly, if he thinks we're going to ask him to leave because not everything he did worked out perfectly, he's crazy. I know, he's been under a lot of stress & frankly, there's not much I would or could have done differently. I hope Sam can talk some sense into him, Sam or Maxine. They're our professionals after all.
Tomorrow night, it will be Joe's turn.
14 March/03, mid afternoon...
MT here again, Technically, I should be writing these entries late in the day, but if yesterday evening was any indication, I'll be far too tired after hearing the latest tales; to put pen to paper. I tire more easily these days & with very busy times ahead, it's best I ration my strength. I had difficulty listening to Jake's story last night & I expect all the others to be as harrowing, if in different ways. My, these are trying times & while I know in my heart that tough times breed tough people, it pains me that we seem to have come to this. It seems we only too rarely, as humanity, hit high points. Between those rare sparks of brilliance, we seem mired in the muck. I mustn't be despondant though; if all can keep their heads for the most part, we stand a chance to regain what we've lost & are losing. I must confess, much of it I won't mind losing. I loathed the decadence our younger folk seemed addicted to for the most part & I despaired that we'd ever find value in good, old fashioned values & hard work.
I'm far from qualified to comment on judgements from God, but perhaps this is His way of winnowing out the weak, those who don't have the moral fortitude to carry on with dignity & strength. I'm not speaking of The Outbreak, that was purely human evil; but these times which must inevitably follow. I know Jake spared us many details of what he must have witnessed, but I've lived a long life & while I shun the worst aspects of our society, I'm not blind to their presence & their effects. I know he's a strong young man, inside where it truly counts & while he has much to wrestle with in his own heart, he's done nothing to be ashamed of - not in my mind or in the minds of the others here. I could read that in their eyes, even those people I've yet to come to know.
Jake left rather abruptly after he finished telling us what he'd been through, taking himself on the walk he'd said he needed. I'm not sure what time he came in; I was fast asleep by then. But the rest of us sat for a time after he left & thought over what he'd said. No one faults him in any way for what's happened, for what he'd done & not done. He's but one young man in the midst of chaos & I'm not sure I would have had the courage he surely must have needed to carry out some of his grimmer tasks.
We're proud, especially myself & his parents, by how thoughtful his observations were, how much time he seems to have spent in thinking ahead. That's the beauty of a varied group & of times to speak the way we're doing now. We have much to learn from each other & much to think about as individuals & as a group. We can all learn from Jake presently, how he's dealt with his experiences & how he continues to deal with them. I couldn't help but glance at Annette when Jake came to tell us of the deaths. That definitely got her attention & I'm hoping they'll talk. Sam has told Jake & Joe what's happened here & in time, quietly & when she's ready, they'll try to help her through it. Both have had similar things occur to them because of The Outbreak.
After agreeing we all had to reassure Jake that his actions did NOT make him unwelome here, quite the contrary; we discussed what he'd told us about safety concerns, especially when it comes to the children. He's right, this is a harsh new world we find ourselves in & it will be difficult to make the children understand. Sam reminded us there can be a fine line between instilling a healthy sense of caution in them & filling them with crippling fear.
For now, our concerns are centered around staying safe here. Farms are dangerous places for those not accustomed to the equipment, the livestock & the routines. Until we judge they're properly trained up, the young ones are NOT to go into the barns unattended, not the ones with livestock or equipment anyway. Drew has a small, almost empty shed near the house. He's going to empty it, make sure it's safe enough & tell the children it's "their" place. That sounds like a reasonable compromise to me. Drew & Noreen will also introduce the young ones to the animals, warning them what not to do around them & making sure they're supervised until they're well aware of how they can accidently be injured. They are NOT to go near the dogs. Sarah isn't yet willing to vouch for their ability to handle the attentions of excited children & she needs time to make sure all the dogs are safe. She also assured us that any of the dogs which does not appear to be friendly; well we have her permission to humanely destroy any such dog. We'd all hate to do that, but our safety comes first. For now, the only ones allowedd near the dogs are Sarah & the 2 older boys. Sarah says they work well with the animals & the animals have shown them the proper respect.
Drew took the younger ones around the farm yard this morning, a sort of guided tour with special attention paid to dangerous areas. He explained some of the equipment that's lying about & the ways any of it could injure them. He repeated several times that medical care is up to us now & that while we have some skills, there are certain injuries we can do little about. None of the little ones were terribly interested in the cattle, which is not unexpected. I think once the calves start coming along, that may change. They were far more interested in the horses, especially the foal. Drew told me at lunch that It was sweet to see Ashley, who's only 7, crooning over the injured mare. She had all kinds of questions about how we were healing her leg & has of course, fallen in love with the foal. All the young ones have, even the 'older' young ones! It seems Mark, the 16 year old, is a bit horse mad & he's offered to help Annette care for the horses. I noice she wasn't shy about accepting the help!
We've decided the young ones are not to leave the fenced part of the farmyard under any circumstances; not unless they're on an authorized outing with an adult. The snow is covering the pond & streams & in places, the snow is deep enough to be dangerous. And, when the wind picks up, the white outs can be intense & arrive with no warnings. That's not a healthy proposition for children that small. Under the snow, I'm sure water on the property is frozen solid, but why take chances?
We also walkedd the children through the house again, explaining whose rooms belonged to who & what the daily routines were. This week, Sammy will walk Jared through his, Sammy's; assigned chores & Greg will do the same with Ashley. Timmy doesn't have many chores, but he'll "show" Carol what he does so she can take her turn. They've already started that & it's helping the kids get to know one another. It's also helping the new children begin to feel as though they'll fit in, as though they have a role to play. Carol of course, fell in love with the kittens. She's already named them, Spunky & Sparky. We've told her she's now 'in charge' of the kittens. Twice a day she goes out with Annette or another adult - or she will be now & makes sure momma cat has plenty of fresh water & food & that the kittens are "okay". We've cautioned her that it's best not to touch them too much for a week or more, until they're older & at least have their eyes open.
The older boys will be working with the men. Sam figures at their age & with what they've lived through, they've earned the privilege of being treated like young men rather than boys. Of course they have lots to learn yet about being men, what that really means. But they strike me as bright boys, the both of them & their strength & energy is certainly welcome. So far, I've found them to be well mannered, hard workers & prepared to learn & contribute. They're both great with the smaller kids & although they're awkward with Annette, that's just the age. They're somewhat awkward with all of us, but they have a lot of new people to get to know quickly & not under the best of circumstances. I made it clear this was no time to stand on ceremony; we all need to get to know each other as quickly as possible. For now, the boys will spend time with Drew & Noreen, learning how to care for the livestock & within a week or so, Drew hopes to have them working with the horses. Mark is ready to learn about harnesses as he's accustomed to horses. He's ridden for years he says & from the way he is around the horses here, Drew believes he's not exaggerating. Alex is a total novice but eager to learn.
Drew had Jean look over his cattle today as well. She doesn't see any causes for concern, but as she said, Drew knows his stock best. He likes her attitude & told me she seems to know what she's doing. She's had plenty of experience with birthing cattle & Drew is glad that he & Noreen will have a third person to spell them off. Tomorow, if the weather holds, Drew wants to get the cattle out front for a bit, only so we can properly clean out their barn. It will also allow him to get a good look at the cows, especially those expecting & make sure they're fine. The fresh air & sun will do them good as well. It will be a massive job cleaning out all that bedding & replacing it. Cindy & I, as well as Louise who really looks peaky, will see to meals & the kids. Must get the men to bring in lots of water. I think they'll all want baths when they're finished.
Tom will keep the younger ones out of the way as best he can. They'll be able to watch from a safe distance & he can find chores for them to occupy themselves with, fetching coffee, tea & hot drinks as well as snacks. When & if they get cold & tired, I'll read stories to them & hopefully get the youngest ones down for naps. They have a lot of rest to catch up on.
Tom is looking a bit less strained with the addition to our group. I know he's happily working through a plan to make sure the three teens still manage to get in some schooling. He's got the text books & other material he needs as well as the expertise of the other adults to help cover fields which are not his strength - math & the sciences, specifically. I'll help with the little ones, all of those are at the earliest stages of their schooling. I love this age; they're so eager to learn & so proud when they master a new learning task. Goodness, we may all be living in cramped quarters, the weather poor right now, but over the last several days, our hearts have been lightened by so many blessings. Our men have returned & we've added to our family. I hear more laughter now & the young, sad as they are at their losses, will recover quickly.
Meals are busy times now, especially suppers with much conversation. We had to move things around in the kitchen, clearing out a few old dressers in order to add a second table. The adults & older children have one table & the younger ones their own. We decided that each day, a different adult would join the children & one of the younger children would eat with the adults. That way, the children are supervised & each gets a special day to eat with the grownups. At those times, they can share their special concerns & have the limelight for a time.
We still have to work out a practical way to parent these kids. We can't simply add them the list of Sam & Max's burdens. As did the Israelis, ,we're going to have to care for them as a community. I think that's healtheir myself. They'll learn different ways of doing the same tasks & will soon learn that every person has different strengths & weaknesses. I hope all will find at least one adult they feel comfortable confiding in. It's true Ashley has her mother & Carol has Alex, but sharing the responsibility will ease the load on them, especially Alex. Carol is quite shy & until she saw the kittens, kept her face buried in Alex's side. She's taken quite a liking to Annete, I believe & in time I hope she'll blossom.
It was a while before the children fell asleep last night, especially the boys in their dormitory, but they eventually did & there were only a few bad dreams. We've agreed to take turns the next week or so staying up late & keeping an ear tuned to the childrens' rooms. It will take them time to settle & as busy as we'll be keeping them during the day, once the lights go out they're alone with their memories, fears & worries. A couple of them don't have teddy bears or other stuffed animals & Sarah has drawn a few dedsigns for the children, hoping they'll pick one she can make them. I think she plans to make one for each child, no matter their ages; as a comfort & reminder that we're a group, a large family now.
Right now, the young ones are out in the back field with Alex & Annette. We thought it might be a good idea to get them into the fresh air. It's a fairly mild day, just a bit below freezing & they're busy clearing snow away from a large, square space; must be planning some kind of game later or tomorrow. Drew suspects we're in for a mild spell with temperatures reaching above freezing. If that's the case, we'll be concentrating on outdoor work; cleaning out the barns & removing snow before it freezes again. If it subsequently ices up, Drew says we can use manure on the paths to prevent slips. Sounds smelly, but I doubt any of us notice the smell of cows anymore. It will get far smellier around her once spring truly arrives.
Speaking of spring, Drew is also wanting to hunt for another old fashioned plough. We have two in working order now & 2 teams of horses, but a third would save time should one break. He & Jake will visit nearby farms later this week, looking through outbuildings for any such thing & also looking for stone sleds. I remember those; large flat sheets of metal upon which you stack stones culled from the fields - and there are always stones! Sarah says as long as the stones are limited in number, her dogs can pull such a thing. That will save the horses some work & allow them more time to rest.
Now one important matter has come up. We're a Christian family, as are Drew & Noreen. Joe & Louise were of no particular faith & Mark is his firm in his convictions of atheism. Jean calls herself an agnostic, as does Sarah. Alex has informed us that if there is a God, he hates Him. Fair enough. He's young & has gone through the mill. We wanted to make clear to everyone that while we as a family are fairly strong in our faith, we were not inclined to shove it down anyone's throat. I explained that to me, Christianity is shown by living example; deeds more than words. I said we had, as a group earlier, decided to keep Sunday as a day of rest. It's the Sabbath for those of us who are Christian & a rest day for those who are not. All are welcome to the informal services we will hold after morning chores & we're always happy to answer questions anyone may have.
I feel strongly that this is a time when we should strive to be right with the Lord, but I realize that cannot be forced on anyone, especially the younger adults. I'll simply continue to pray for all, answer any questions as best I can & trry to be a good example. I brought this up last evening, as I thought with our group now larger, it was not unreasonable to expect that some had different faiths. I suppose as long as no one is eating babies or doing anything truly against my principles, I'll accept that God knows best & He has different plans for different people.
Well, I don't suppose I gave a very clear account of our day so far, but there are so many things happening with everyone; small groups of 2 or 3 off do do various tasks, the children playing & a few of the women preparing supper. I expect my accounts will ramble somewhat as we settle into new routines, but so be it. Our lives are 'rambling' right now, so this journal will be an honest reflection of that.
Hmmm... just had a thought I must bring up with Drew. Does he have seed potatoes & if not, where are on earth are we going to find some?
early afternoon; 02/04/03
Goodness, I'd forgotten yesterday was April Fool's Day; we all did. Perhaps the weather was Mother Nature's April's Fool trick on us. It was a fine morning, warm with only a few clouds - a fine early spring day. I had no sooner put this diary down to join the others for our evening family gathering when the storm struck. And struck is the right word. We had a short period of calm then the wind hit us like a hammer, a few minutes before the snow began falling. What a wild night we had & it's still going on. The snow is that horrid, heavy stuff & is falling very thickly. Never mind seeing out to the front gate, several hundred yards away; we can't see the one woodpile only about 20 feet from the kitchen door.
I expect we'll have wind damage before this is over. The children had trouble sleeping as the room they're in has a gabled roofline & 2 dormer windows. It makes for strange noises as the wind rushes past these interesting roof & window angles. Actually, no one slept terribly well. Jean was spending the night with Izzy anyhow & Anne was getting up every few hours to see to her condition. Sarah spent the night with the other girls & Jake bunked in with the boys. Jake said the wind startled even him so he can imagine how frightened the kids got. We heard one tremendous bang about 3 in the morning, but we can't see what caused that with visibility so poor.
Sam struggled out this morning, moving about 40 or so feet from the house. He says the snow is almost up to his knees on average. Some spots are bare while drifts are forming again in more sheltered areas in the lea of the wind. It's bitterly cold with a base temperature of 22 & a wind Sam estimates is blowing at a good 40 miles an hour - real blizzard conditions. I hope the animals are alright. Sam had wanted to see if the cattle had moved back into the barn, but couldn't make it that far, even with a guide rope.
There was little to do this morning. We all pitched in & tidied up the house & Sarah, Maxine & Anne measured the children for clothing. Some of the lighter spring clothing needs shortening & other adjustments. Might as well do that now & most of we women are spending some time on that today. Morgan had the forethought yesterday evening to bring in what he needs to rig the shower system from Tom's kitchen & several of the men are currently working on that. Alex has been trying to moniter local radio, with very little luck. He's getting more static than anything else.
We're having problems with the firplaces today; the chimneys refuse to draw properly & periodically smoke billows into some of the rooms - not pleasant at all. Tom & Drew are letting those burn out until the wind dies & we'll simply spend most of our time in the kitchen & the several other rooms where the wood stoves are drawing properly. As long as it doesn't become too cold, this should not be a burden.
Isabelle is doing well. She's in a lot of pain of course, but her condition did not worsen during the night, so it seems that other than needing stitches & being concussed we have no other concerns with her. She is VERY stiff in the neck & shoulders, especially her right one. Jared said she seemed to hit on that side. She even has a black eye on her left side. We had to wake her every hour during the night to make sure she wasn't getting worse, but Anne has judged we can cut that back to 3 hours tonight. She's napping now, after a light meal of soup & a dinner roll. Her stitches Anne report, are fine & she'll remove them in another 8 or 9 days.
I'd mentioned the pain. The most Anne is willing to do for her is give her a crushed Tylenol #1. That is helping but it's unfortunate she can't have a slightly stronger dose. She's complaining of a fierce headache. I can just imagine. She's drowsy & no wonder. That's a tremendous shock to the body & of course having to wake her hasn't helped. I've spent some time reading short stories to her & helped wash her up this morning. She was pleased to see the kittens this morning, but less enthusiastic than I'd expected - surely a sign that she's feeling poorly. Jared has been slipping in & out of her room quietly all day; very anxious about her condition. It must have frightened him half to death to see her fall like that.
He was able to tell Tom what happened & it was exactly as she related to us. She was lying down up there, playing with the kittens & simply rolled too far. The most important part of that account is of course, Jared actually TELLING Tom what happened. He hasn't said too much more to any of us, about anything, but that's a fantastic start, we all feel. Sam has cautioned us to not push him on the issue of speech; to let him begin speaking with us as his comfort level allows. I had planned on going into see Isabelle earlier when Jared was visiting. I didn't go in as I heard her speaking to Jared. She'd ask him if he could say a word & he would - just that word, then he'd wait. After a while she got silly, asking if he could say words such as: "poop" & "cat pee"; childish nonsense like that. They were obviously having fun & he was speaking, so I simply turned around & tiptoed away.
Tom, Alex & I spent some time with the younger children doing school work. Alex has a wonderful reading voice & can make a childrens' story come alive. Tom has asked him to periodically read to the kids. Right now, he's started them on Swiss Family Robinson. Our children know that story but it's new to the others. After each day's reading, he'll ask them to do some sort of work based on what they listened to that day. Perhaps they can write a "wish list" for survivors on desert islands or add up how many coconuts one would need for 2 meals. It's an ideal story for our situation & Carol seems fascinated. She kept asking 'what if' questions & thinking hard when encouraged to try & find her own answers. She & Ashley can hardly wait to plant their little 3 x 3 foot gardens. It's hard not to smile. They are agonizing over what "crops" to try & each has enough planned to fill half an acre.
I'd mentioned we were going to have a family gathering of a different type last night, more of a family gathering, a singalong & games night. We began that with a wonderful surprise for all of us. She was going to wait until Joe returned if should could stand to, but Louise admitted it was hard to keep secret. She too is going to have a baby! It seems she must have become pregnant just before Joe was called in to duty as she estimates she's now a litle more than 3 months along. No woinder she's seemed tired. She had asked Anne earlier if she might be pregnant & Anne was quite certain she was, but it was not her secret to break. We are SO delighted by this news. She'll be having the baby at harvest time, in September. The timing isn't great, but when is it ever with a baby? It is good in the sense that Cindy's baby will be 2 months old by then & may already be sleeping through the night. Cindy will certainly have some advice for her & the 2 will share a major interest.
That news certainly changed our evening agenda. We felt we had to celebrate immediately of course & we broke out the hot chocolate for the kids & even a couple of bottles of champagne for the adults. Anne told Louise she could safely allow herself one glass, but she says she prefers to wait a little longer. She settled on a huge mug of frozen orange juice. She couldn't stop blushing for quite some time & she was just beaming. Drew & Tom immediately told her she was to "take it easy" but she wasn't having any of that. Good for her! Pregnancy is NOT a disease & I have no doubt she'll continue to be sensible. She & Cindy are close in size, so Cindy will pass on to her maternity clothing she's outgrown.
My, what an evening. It lightened all our hearts & we even carried in Isabelle for half an hour or so, to celebrate with us. We then spent almost 2 hours playing charades & sang together for over an hour. What a pleasant evening - the fireplace was flickering away & the wind was just a pleasant backdrop to laughter & music. We discovered some rather pleasant signing voices among our folk & Morgan plays a mean harmonica. We have a couple of guitars & Mark, as well as Alex can more or less play the songs we enjoy. They've promised to learn more of everyone's favorites.
We also spent time simply chatting & enjoyed the chance to let the children speak of their concerns & interests. Everything has been business & work lately. Even Jared spoke, saying: "I like it here & I like the horses." The kids all want to learn to ride as soon as they can. They also asked about swimming this summer, ,would they be able to do so in the pond, could they fish? Would they have time for picnics; all these things vital to young ones. Of course we'll fit in time for such things. They sound like perfect activities for a Sunday afternoon.
The evening went on longer than we'd planned on but simply because we were enjoying ourselves so much. We discovered Sarah also sketches pretty decent caricatures & she did a hilarious one of Morgan, ,standing there with a tool belt bristling with tools & a length of pipe in his hands. He has a very large, beaked nose; an easy feature to caricature. Then of course, each child insisted on having a caricature done of them & those were quite funny. Each child is planning on hanging their 'portrait' in their bedrooms & Tom has asked Sarah for the occasional sketch of farm life for the Journal - a wonderful idea. She's offered, as the weather gets better, to do a drawing of the farm house from a few different angles.
Jean sang a few solos for us, what a voice that young lady has. She tells us Ashley sings well too, although she was too shy to sing alone. We discovered Mark is really good at charades. He admits to having done drama club for a few years but his workload at school was too heavy this year. Oh it was a wonderful evening & we ended by praying together for strength to do the hard work approaching, for the health of our family & livestock & that The Outbreak would end soon.
There does appear to be some encouraging news on that front. One of the departments still working hard is the CDC & military unit that handles disease - I never remember their name or acronym. They have been examing the virus & are almost ready to announce they know how it was changed. Knowing that, they hope they can create a new vaccine fairly quickly. I'm not holding my hopes up too highly. At the best of times, these vaccines can take years & these are not the best of times. They've lost people too & I'm not sure if there's any manufacturing plant left which could do the work under present conditions. We'll have to wait & see I guess.
Well, I really should rest a while. My hand is stiff & cramped frrom writing & I could use a cup of tea. Tom mentioned writing down Morgan's story sometime today & I'll probably have something else to add. But for now, hot tea & maybe some quiet reading...
afternoon, 05 April, 2003
Finally, the storm has ended & while the sun has yet to appear, we can at least see past the end of our noses. And... What a sight! The storm didn't really break until just before dawn. I couldn't sleep anyhow & was sitting in the kitchen having stirred up the fire & putting on some tea. In the 45 minutes or so I sat there, letting the hot tea seep into me & warm my joints, the wind died down to a mere breeze & I noticed the snow finally seemed to have stopped. It was deathly still upstairs & I imagine the silence, after several nights of frightful howling, simply caused all to burrow more deeply into their blankets. Well, let them sleep I thought; they deserved the rest especially as they were likely in for a big day.
There was enough wood & water in the house to see us through the morning & for the first time in weeks, I felt able to move without a lot of stiffness & pain. There was no one standing about telling me to be careful, to slow down, to rest.. so I did what I've been itching to do for weeks - start the bread! My that felt wonderful. There's nothing like mixing up a good batch of bread, then kneading the warm dough. My mother always said warm yeast dough felt as soft & warm as newborn puppies & she was right. I found the old bread, sliced it up & mixed up a bowl of French toast batter, then got the coffee going. Between kitchen chores, I managed to get a peek out some of the windows. Some are completely snow covered again, while others show a huge amount of white stuff all over the yard.
By about seven thirty, I could hear noise from upstairs & shortly after the children came racing downstairs, all excited about what they'd seen out their bedroom windows. Snow. Snow & more snow. I reminded them that meant work. Work & more work, but they're young enough to still be enthusiastic about a day of digging. And that was just the beginning of what continues to be a major job. As soon as everyone was fed, I shooed the adults outdoors to evaluate what the storm had done while the young ones & I did dishes & tidied the kitchen. I kept them busy with the usual house chores until the adults straggled back in. The major task was going to be shovelling paths to the outbuildings, but Jake had already been to the horse barn, chicken shed & cattle barn using a pair of snowshoes. He was rather grim faced.
We are down to 25 hens & only one rooster - not disastrous by any accounts, but until we can get some eggs laid & hatched, we're going to have to be extremely careful with our remaining poultry. The horses are fine but unfortunately, we've also lost 7 cows & 4 calves - frozen to death. Jake says several of the cows are barely sticking out of drifts. He thinks they may have become confused in the wind & snow & simply not been able to find their way back. That mess will have to be dealt with, but it wasn't highest on the list of priorities. The grownups & teens took fifteen or so minutes to plan their day & warm up with tea or coffee, then returned outdoors. It took 6 of them over an hour to clear a path to the cattle barn. They almost planned stupidly & dug a completely separate path to the horse barn, but Jean pointed out that if they waited until half the distance from the house to the cattle barn was cleared out, they could branch off directly to the horses & save a lot of work. Drew burst out laughing at that point, groaning that he'd never thought of that himself. "Habits", he said sheepishly. "You do something a certain way for so many years, you forget there might be an easier way!"
So they did it that way & that freed up some of the older ones to get to the chickens - less work there as the wind kept much of the snow scoured away. Others dug to the outhouse. Actually 1 started at the house & dug to it, while Alex snowshoed to the outhouse & dug back from there. We kept calling out that their lives depended on the paths meeting perfectly. They didn't of course, but it was fun to josh with them. Clearing the barn door took some heavy work but that was finally done & there was enough free space in the pasture to let the cattle out for a time. This afternoon, they're trying to clear the barn of as much bedding as possible. It's filthy & frozen & a mountain of hard work. By this point they were piling it on toboggans & the kids were dragging it as close to the kitchen garden fence as they could while Cindy & Louise tipped the filthy stuff out. I don't think the toy company ever had that use in mind for toboggans! A lot of bedding spilled, but this is a farm & we're not prepared to be that fussy.
Currently the outdoor work continues. Cindy, Louise & Tom are inside seeing to supper & heating water for showers & baths. The children are packing water barrels with fresh snow again & bringing in more wood for the stoves. If they manage to finish clearing out the barns & coop today, they'll be well satisfied. What a mountain of work. It will no doubt be an early supper, after bathing & an early bedtime for all. When I look out the window, everyone is walking more slowly, stooped & weary looking. I've already got a number of mittens, gloves, hats & scarves steaming dry on lines in front of the wood stove in the back sitting room.
It will take all of tomorrow to finish the outdoor work, clearing snow away to the point where it won't be in the way or dangerous when it begins to melt. I'd hate for anyone to have a bad fall as a result of slipping on a badly located patch of ice. I'm almost feeling guilty about not being outside helping them all. I'm, limited to keeping hot drinks on the go & heating up some lovely chicken stew & adding dumplings to them. I've made a bread pudding for dessert this evening, but haven't told them that. I also mixed up pie dough in secret & am just waiting for fruit preserves to thaw before I put together the fillings. Once they smell them coming out of the oven, they won't think to scold me for "working too hard".
In any case, Isabelle has been keeping me company most of the day. It's a bit too risky to let her outdoors yet. If she were to slip & hit her head again; goodness those stitches might have to be redone. We've had quite an enjoyable time today, Izzy & me. She helped me cut the piecrusts & just loves fluting the edges & trimming them - especially when she gets to pop the trimmings into her mouth! She measured out some of the ingredients for me, quite accurately too & asked about different pies; how the fillings are made & why is it that my fruit fillings don't run when her mother's always did. I whispered my secret to her - add an egg to the filling & it will set keeping the killing firm, but never be tasted. She got a good giggle from that. I had read the recipes to me too; not that I don't know them in my sleep, but the reading practice doesn't hurt & she was able to see that measuring involves math, recipes involve reading.
Tomorrow, I've promised to show her how to make peanut butter, chocolate chip cookies as well as oatmeal raisin & she'll help me put a roast of beef in. We might as well eat all the beef we can with 7 dead cows lying in the home pasture. We'll certainly gut & dress them & I have an idea about what we can do with some of the meat. I thought we might cut up some steaks & roast & Sarah along with one of the other adults can bring it into town to City Hall. I bet they'd love a good roast of beef after a miserable day's work. Maxine is going to try salting, corning, pickling - any old method of preserving she can think of in hopes of salvaging most of it.
In spite of a day of unusual activity for me; they don't often let me do too much physical work, I'm having a fine time. It's wonderful to feel useful & I have come to enjoy Isabelle's company. She's a bright child & perhaps her overabundance of spirits & independent thinking is simply a very inquiring mind. She stumbled over some of the new words & symbols in the cookbook the first time she saw them, but remembered them every time after that. After she measured dry ingredients for me, she messed around with some cornmeal & discovered on her own that 3 1/3 measuring cups poured into a 1 cup measure fills it just to the top & no more. You could almost see the understanding dawn. I explained that it worked that way for halves, quarters; any fraction. When the top number matched the bottom number, you ended up with a whole. There, Tom will be pleased. We have one working with fractions. I brought out a small bag of dried beans, counted out 20 & she spent time dividing them into halves, quarters & fifths. She caught on quickly enough. I even had her begin adding some fractions, by combining piles of beans together. I think she's close to understanding.
She did a break for a nap as she tired easily still. She told me she wants to explain ALL about 'fakshuns' to the other girls. She has some problems with the 'fr' sound, it seems. Can't say 'friend' properly either now that I come to think of it. I must point that out to Tom & Sam. I must also remember to ask everyone for his or her birthdate. Why shouldn't we do a little something special for peoples' birthdays? Our tradition is that the person having the birthday chooses the meal. We're going to have to think of something to replace ordinary presents - perhaps extra play time for the kids, excused chores for a day for the adults if possible; I'll put my mind to it.
Once all had lunch & Izzy went to lie down, I was able to sit myself, looking out to the road & simply letting my mind drift for a bit. I like to do that when I can. You'd be surprised where your mind can take you sometimes. At first, I just enjoyed the silence. All I could hear really was the muffled sounds of shovels slicing into snow & soft thumps of snow falling as it was flung aside. What a relief not to hear the wind. I marvelled to think that just a few days ago, crocuses were glowing out back. They're still there & most had yet to bloom. Likewise, the other bulbs will be fine. Odd, how I'd love to see some newborn lambs. They can be terribly annoying always choosing to be born at the worst possible times & creating as much havoc as possible, but they are so sweet. And when they're grown, there's nothing like a fine roast of mutton as a change. I wonder if someone out there on the farms has sheep. They might be willing to exchange a few for a cow & calf. I'll have to ask Drew what he thinks of that idea. A sow with piglets or more realistically, a couple of piglets to grow on ourselves would be nice. We could get 1 of each sex, breed the sow & later that year slaughter the male. Later, trade off some piglets, arrange to have a sow or 2 bred again & we're in business. And wouldn't some home grown turkey taste mighty fine at Thanksgiving & Christmas. I miss those meats & fish, fresh fish. Trout, pickerel, pike, bass... my I do crave fish these days, more so, than fresh fruit or even most fresh vegetables.
My thoughts eventually turned to those who have passed on, nearby & all through the world. I wonder how those who are not of the Christian faith fared? Did God, as I understand them welcome them into his loving arms anyway, even though their faith was different? Perhaps it is that a person of any faith, who does his or her best to live by the tenets of that faith, is as good & just as possible has nothing to fear from God. I don't know & I don't expect to know until it's my turn to pass on. Pass on... I should day what I mean & use the word "die". I don't like that word. It's short, 'hard', curt & abrupt even. It sounds, I'm not sure how to explain this, but to me it sounds so; well, more than final. It sounds hopeless & helpless. The term 'pass on' brings me comfort. It implies that one moves on to something better. I'd like to think it's more comforting to those remaining to think of a loved one going to a better place. I feel so sad for the babies though or rather, those they left behind.
As you get older, you become more honest with yourself about matters such as death – not your own necessarily but what the death of others means to you. With the very young of course, you grieve what they might have become, yet never had a chance to. With older people who die, you grieve for what they meant to YOU, what you will miss, be it their company, advice; anything at all. But where do you begin the grieving process when so many are lost? I simply cannot fathom the extent of losses & when I consider it’s far from over, it leaves me breathless. Goodness, I’m at the end of a long & generally happy life. I’ve had my share of disappointments but overall, it’s been a good life. The prospect right now doesn’t seem so bright for our young people, from Alex on down.
It’s so difficult to tell what will happen when we cannot currently know with any real certainty what’s happening in the world. I have to keep reminding myself that this is a worldwide outbreak. I expect some of the disease ridden, destitute countries have been virtually wiped out. How many others have been badly affected by that terrible cloud of radioactivity resulting from the nuclear bomb that was dropped over Iraq? I know little about such things, but Tom, Anne & their children looked so terribly upset. It must indeed be terrible & for those poor folk who may have survived variola to subsequently have to face radiation poisoning, soil or water contamination… it hardly bears thinking about. Extremely crowded countries such as China & India can’t help but be exceptionally hard hit & what can be going on in other unstable countries, nations where the political regime rules through tyranny & terror? It may be a very long time before we know what is occurring in these places.
For now, at a practical level, I don’t expect it matters very much. Our concerns will have to remain very local, focused right here on Drew’s farm. We have crops to plant, animals to keep healthy & children to raise as best we can. In a sense I think the children will be better off for a time then they would have been before The Outbreak. The last few generations of children have been spoiled compared to what we were used to & it only seems to get worse as time passes. This year at least, the children will live very much as children did in the eighteen hundreds. They will spend most of their time close to home, doing plenty of hard work & learning by watching & doing how the basics used to be provided. They’ll have the company of several different adults from which to learn skills learn to judge for themselves the validity of different opinions & methods of tackling jobs. They’ll be outdoors a lot, eating good wholesome food & won’t be exposed to a lot of nonsense. That aspect of our new life doesn’t strike me as too terrible.
It will be a huge adjustment to them in the sense that they have no sense of the background of this sort of life. It is completely unlike anything they’re accustomed to. There are hazards & consequences that can’t easily be fixed & more responsibility then they’re used to. They’re quite upset about the cows & calves that perished in the storm. That unfortunately, is simply a fact of pioneer & to some degree, farming life. Their schooling will not suffer & I hazard to opine they may actually be better off being home-schooled. Look at who wins the Geography & Spelling Bees these last several years – home-schooled kids.
Now for the adults, it’s more difficult. Not only must they tackle planning & work they’re unaccustomed to, they have the added burden of worrying about the younger ones & external issues the children don’t realise exist. We now have 2 women expecting babies & they are concerned about what might happen if there are problems. Odds are, both will deliver with no real problems, but when you’re the one feeling that baby moving inside you, it’s hard to remain objective. We now know we may see plenty of people in transit as they too search out a better life. Will they be content to simply pass us by? I fear that the late stragglers beginning to realise they’re too late to settle somewhere & plant their own crops may try & steal ours. I don’t doubt many persons will be loath to leave the areas they’re most familiar with. They’ll be hoping against hope that “someone” will come along & provide a timely rescue before next fall. That simply isn’t going to happen & they’ll probably panic when they come to that conclusion. By then I can’t imagine anything very useful left in the cities. These folks will flee with not much more than the clothing on their backs & will become like a horde of locusts, descending on any source of food, water & hope. I dread these people arriving here but I have no doubt this will occur. I can only pray we be spared.
Noreen & Cindy walked slowly through the house during the storm looking at the space we still have available. We came together in a very unplanned fashion & certainly our newcomers were completely unexpected. Thank goodness for a large, much added on to house! Noreen says that Drew’s dad inherited a reasonably sized house & over the years added various additions to accommodate extended family & farm workers. This has resulted in a rambling structure, which I rather enjoy. There are some rooms where you have to descend a step or 2 to enter, others where there’s a step or 2 going up. Halls make sudden turns or vanish altogether. It took me a few weeks to feel able to find my way from one room to the next. The kids until recently were playing that game. “Who can get from this room, (Morgan’s), to the bathroom by Grampa’s bedroom first?”. As well as living quarters there are pantries, storerooms & walk-in closets galore. I asked Noreen how many rooms there were altogether, including all pantries & storerooms. She thought for a time, then laughed. She genuinely doesn’t know!
That’s what precipitated Cindy & Noreen’s tour through the house; room counting & seeing once again how spaces could be best used. They agree that even after the babies arrive, we could put up another half dozen or so people & if several sheds which were added on to the house were insulated properly, we could easily double that. I’m not sure any of want that many new people in our home, but it’s good to know that anyone coming along with very valuable skills whom we wished to invite to join, could be accommodated. It’s possible too that our younger people may choose to leave at some point. I’d hate to see that happen but I have to be realistic. People eventually chafe to lead their own lives & who’s to say Sarah or Jean may not meet some young man & wish to set up their own homes eventually. Even our teenagers will grow up fast & may leave their home here earlier than we’ve become accustomed to in the past few decades.
The more time I have to think through what we had not so long ago & how much we have apparently lost, the more I’m inclined to think that recovery will be an agonisingly slow, painful process. So called progress is almost always a mixed blessing. We gain new methods, implements & knowledge & in that process, lose older skills. It almost always seems at the time to be no great lost. After all, antiquated systems are laughable, useless; isn’t that correct? Now we’re finding out the hard way that such skills are anything but obsolete. Perhaps those best equipped to live in the post Plague world are those we normally call primitive. Think please, those reading this many years from now…
Can you butcher a cow, pluck a chicken? Can you look at the sky & determine tomorrow’s weather? Can you grind wheat & turn it into flour? Do you know how many acres of cattle corn to plant to feed 10 pregnant cows for the winter? Can you walk 20 miles carrying food & camping gear, spend the night out in the middle of nowhere comfortably, then return home the next day without needing 2 days of rest to recuperate? These skills & levels of strength are required in the world now. Can you estimate the temperature of an oven heated by wood, keep it even & cook roasts, bake breads or cakes? Can you estimate the time you need to do laundry for 6 people & how much water you must heat? How do you treat sunburn or stomach ache without over the counter drugs? I’m not saying we have no modern amenities left, but how long will that last? Where are the skilled people to reopen manufacturing plants? What of the power to operate those plants, the trucks & clear roads upon which to transport these goods? By the time you’re reading this, I sincerely hope all has been recovered or replaced by better methods. But right here & now, there’s only the dimmest candle shining at the end of the tunnel & sometimes I lose sight of it’s faint flicker.
Oh it’s just a bit of discouragement showing through here. I’m sick of snow, of wind & storms. I’m tired of being cooped up because of the weather & I long to stick my nose in a fresh lilac bloom or peony or lily of the valley. Noreen says she has all those wonderful old-fashioned flowers here, in various locations around the farmyard. Perhaps I’m painting a bleaker picture than I need to be, but who can really tell at this point? I’m hoping to get some news from town later, via the radio. I hope for something hopeful to buck me up. But for now, it’s time to lay this aside & go begin helping with supper.
God bless us all…
after lunch, 17 April, 2003
It's now shortly past lunch & in a distracted fashion, we've all resumed our activities. Every few seconds it seems someone calls upstairs to Tom or Mark, wanting to know if anything has yet been seen from across the road. There's still no sign of anyone approaching the note but Tom says several times, persons in that yard have stopped what they were doing & looked towards the rise. We discussed over lunch how long it might take for someone to go up there & collect the note. Anne mentioned that they might choose to wait several hours in case any of us may have been harboring smallpox. The longer any virus is out in the open air, the less likely there would be enough of the particles left to sicken anyone. Sam noted that it took us quite some time & much discussion to decide how to approach this & what to include in the note. They are no doubt going through the same process. They may worry about some kind of booby trap which was why we put the note in plastic in the first place - they can clearly see there's nothing but the note & they don't even have to open the bag.
With ploughing on the horizon tomorrow we hope, we're nervously going over our plans for the day. I suppose as early as next year, we'll laugh ourselves half to death when we think of how carefully we planned this. I swear there have been military operations that went forward with less planning. Mark & Annette proudly informed us the first team of horses would be harnessed & ready to work by 8 am. Wonderful but I'm not sure anyone else will be. Drew & Morgan have almost surveyed that field, planning their first furrows & spending hours discussing the best spacing. And just how much tune up does a hoe really need? Hoes & gloves for those who will be wielding the hoes are neatly lined up on the back porch. They've been knocked over by the children a dozen times already. Baskets, small ones for the kids, are waiting to be filled with seed potatoes & bundles of stakes are neatly gathered up. I asked Noreen about this when we had a few minutes alone & she just snorted. Drew, she says is being overly careful to the point of obsession. She added that of course they planned carefully most years, but that the only thing that was changing about planting the kitchen garden was the size & the fact that the land would have to be turned by horse drawn ploughs this year.
I can't blame him really; we're all double & triple checking our lists, duties & preparations. For the first part of the garden, once the horses are harnessed & ready, Drew will move them to the field & begin ploughing. He says that land has been used a long time & should be easily manageable by the horses - a good warm-up for them. He'll give all those able to, mainly the men, a chance to try their hand at ploughing. It's early enough now, Drew has said, to do furrows over & over again if necessary. Later we won't have the luxury of time for that. After ploughing, he'll disk. I think there's normally another step or 2 in there involving equipment, but he says we'll just do that. He'll have everyone walk through the field removing any obvious large weed roots & weeds which have wintered over once the ground is turned over. Then, we'll start planting spuds. The kids will work in teams of 4; a planter, a stacker & 2 to hoe over the potatoes. Drew has decided to add an extra acre of potatoes to this part of the garden, in a week or so. He'd rather have some closer top home & the second acre will be insurance of a sort.
If the weather continues to warm as it's doing - we've reached 50 today; we'll be able to start peas, onions & other root crops. Drew says this may be a bit of a gamble. Many of these crops won't germinate until the soil is warmer, but the cooler soil shouldn't harm the seeds. A spell of cold rain is the danger though, so much of what we plant we'll try to plant in 2 sessions, a few weeks apart. This gradual warming should also allow us a gradual period of time in which to get used to a higher level of work. We'll be putting in longer days & working much harder physically. Some time to adjust will be appreciated.
Cindy & Louise will be taking care of meals & already, they're baking up a storm. They're making various cookies, cakes, pies & all sorts of goodies high in energy for quick snacks. Several of us aren't big breakfast eaters but that will have to change, especially in the case of Alex. He says he's always found breakfast put him to sleep & he hated nodding off during his morning classes. Noreen assured him he'd not be doing any nodding off hoeing or following a plough! Carol isn't a big morning eater either, but that will change too, no doubt.
Oh now here we go; word from Mark upstairs. 2 of the men from the farm are cautiously moving towards the rise. Oh good! I'm dying to hear how they look when they see the note. But while I wait, let me continue...
The girls are also making more meat pies which can be kept refrigerated for quick meals when we're tired, extra bread which can be frozen & tomorrow, they've mentioned they want to make sure that outer clothing, jeans, workshirts & the like are laundered. We reminded everyone yesterday evening that just because clothing was covered with dirt or mud that didn't mean it needed washing especially if the same mess was going to cover tomorrow's clothes! We think we've found a reasonable compromise. Everyone will work with 2 sets of heavy shirts & jeans. The ones they come home in which are wet & muddy will get hung out the next day to dry. Once they've dried, the mud can be beaten off. In the meantime, they're wearing the second set of clothing. The third day, they return to the first set while the second dries & so on, until items begin to smell too badly! Of course, this clothing will be too dirt covered to wear indoors for sit down meals such as supper, so everyone has been given a hemmed pillowcase with a drawstring & their name marked on it. Indoor clothes, clean ones; will be placed inside & changed into once the days outdoor tasks are done. Mark & Annette have been doing that when they get really filthy in the barn & it's worked well. Why not adopt that for all?
More news from upstairs. The neighbors have looked at the note, both sides, have carefully picked it up & are heading back to the house. Excellent! Even better, before they returned, they turned to face here & both waved in a vigorous, hopefully friendly way. One held up a finger as if to say: "Wait a minute" or "later". That's how Tom interpreted it anyway. Perhaps we'll see them again today.
Back to discussions of daily matters... while waiting for our group to return, I had the radio on. There's finally been news from Washington, a mixed blessing at best. The Oval Office news was given by a solemn sounding Vice President according to the newscaster here; they're getting this fourth or fifth hand. It seems the President is quite ill, NOT with smallpox but with what appears to be flu. He's been bedridden for 2 days now & is still very sick. The Vice President asked for the nation's prayers. He will certainly get them. Few are left of those who made up the Cabinet, the Senate or Congress. The Vice President noted that that the usual levels & nature of responsibility had changed for all official Washington still on their feet. He gave some detail, which we all found interesting & worthy of thought & discussion.
The Department of Defence has little left under its command in terms of manpower. Perhaps 100,000 or so soldiers, sailors & airmen are still alive and/or available for duty. Alex wondered the other day what had happened to our submarines, the ones that cruise in deepest secrecy carrying nuclear weapons. The Vice President partially answered that, saying they were still on patrol; those that had been out when The Outbreak started & that 3 others had gone to sea as soon as they could once The Outbreak had begun. It seems the sailors have had their vaccines; the 3 submarines which went out later had a chance to vaccinate their crews before leaving & the others were told to report to certain, undisclosed locations in order to obtain vaccine. Exactly how many are at sea & where they are was not revealed. I expect that they're probably observing other nations when they can, coastal areas anyway & reporting back to Washington somehow.
The Defence Department is working with Health & Interior, trying to draw up long term plans for the nation. The VP admitted this is proving difficult to do with so little information available about how people are faring across the country. Washington is doing its best to gather that information, but it's proving difficult. To know about a place you must either be able to get there or speak with someone there. Both these conditions are hard to meet right now. Even dedicated communications need to be powered & staffed with people who know what they're doing. Fuel is in extremely short supply everywhere, as are people willing or able to provide the services needed.
From the little they can confirm, the major cities are in terrible shape with each city having a wide range of extremely serious problems. The major issues include complete lack of food & potable water & of course, millions of bodies lying about. Vermin are increasing at a staggering rate & secondary diseases now being seen. Fear is also epidemic. Early in the Outbreak, gangs roamed many streets; shooting, threatening, generally acting as they pleased. Many of these are dead, but the fear remains. No one wants to have survived smallpox only to die due to some idiot's weapon. This fear is keeping people huddled where they may be although most will have to leave soon, in search of food. The VP is encouraging anyone planning such an exodus to move quickly, but safely; to get as far away from their home city as they can manage as the closer they remain to large urban areas, the more likely it is that supplies will be unavailable. He suggested waiting until one could be fairly sure that winter weather was finished. If they had to move sooner, they are to be sure & dress appropriately & to bring warm sleeping bags & other useful equipment.
The news team reported that they were told or heard, from the person who heard the original broadcast, that the Vice President sounded both frustrated & discouraged while passing on this advice, as well as the subsequent advice about being as careful & safety conscious as possible while moving. I can understand; who would want to instruct his people to abandon the cities - the visible strength of the nation? I submit that strength lies elsewhere, but vibrant cities are obvious in their prosperity, diversity & innovation. Yet for a time it seems we must begin to rebuild from outside the core areas. In a sense that's how this nation was originally built. The largest cities tended to be transport hubs from where settlers left for the rapidly opening areas of wilderness. They are far less wild now, yet still possess those qualities which made them attractive to early settlers - the opportunity to become self-sufficient & indeed, prosperous.
The Vice President spoke at some length about the need for people to look after themselves. He encouraged those who by profession live off the land & seas, farmers, fishers & those who operate greenhouses to do their utmost to grow beyond what they can use. That surplus he stated should be used to trade for services & other goods. Obviously the more who do decide to try & garden or farm, the more likely it is that people can look after themselves. Some will not be able to however. They may not have the skills or even the most basic equipment needed. They may be elderly or infirm or disabled in a way that prevents such work. They may not soon enough find land they can till. Oh we're in for a hard winter in many ways next year. Smallpox may be gone by then or will at least have passed through most of the population, but hunger will remain an ever-present specter, as will other diseases.
In terms of areas of national or even state level responsibility, transportation of all kinds especially repairs & maintenance thereof, has effectively been abandoned. The Vice President said while the disadvantages of this should be clear to all; in a twisted sort of way there are advantages. Without easy transport, there's less chance of too many moving too quickly to other areas & possibly spreading secondary waves of smallpox. Also, that many people moving through areas within a short period of time would resemble the movement of a plague of locusts with similar results. Think of rampaging Mongol hordes & that sort of thing. True, people will still be moving in relatively large numbers but not as many & not as quickly. It hurts to think how few people altogether there remain to do any moving about anywhere. If we're down to a population of perhaps 30 million at the most, many will choose to remain where they are, especially if they're in smaller communities with a better chance of growing food, not to mention family & friends. Even so, many of these smaller communities will themselves be empty or close to empty. It's depressing to think of America's roads & highways, those vital connections between communities, resembling dusty strings of pearls growing lackluster with age & lack of use.
But what on earth can the President, the Vice President, and any member of the Cabinet do? Currently they're only estimating a remaining population of 30 million or so. The disease struck very quickly & although it's somewhat following the traditional patterns of waves of infection, these waves are occurring every week or so instead of every 2 weeks. It's confusing because the 'natural strains' are on a 2-week schedule but the bio-engineered strain is faster. Assuming 30 million people are left, how many of those have had & recovered from smallpox or simply proved immune? How many are counting on the vaccine to protect them? It seems the vaccine is only providing protection for about 1 in 4 otherwise healthy vaccinated people. To suggest that's bad news is seriously understating the nature & severity of the problem.
Do you remember what it's like to be standing by a pool or swimming hole on a hot, humid day? You know the water is cold, you long to feel cool but are squeamish about getting wet because of the contrasting temperatures. You choose to either ease your way in slowly or close your eyes, hold your breath & jump in - getting it over with quickly. We're all in the process of dipping our toes into the smallpox pool. Most of us have isolated ourselves from our neighbors, our friends, for fear of either infecting them or becoming infected ourselves. Maybe we'd recover as a nation more quickly if we jumped in, so to speak. Granted, many more would die, but we have "time" to catch it, live or die as is Chosen for us, then recover & plant what we need for next winter. This may be the brutally stark choice, but we'd get through the crisis much faster.
Oh what a choice! There are decided advantages & disadvantages to both approaches & much fear accompanies either selection. For myself, I don't worry about dying. I do fear dying alone -although that wouldn't happen here & I dread passing on not in my right mind or in terrible pain. I know my Annie wouldn't let me suffer, but to not have a chance to say my good-byes? A hateful thought. I'm quite certain Joe & Jake are immune, either naturally or by grace of the vaccines. Anne is surely safe as well. All 3 had to deal with The Outbreak & the public when the disease seemed to be at its worst. Morgan, Sarah, Mark & Jared, Alex & Carol & the others all survived it or looked after family members with the disease without ill effects themselves & some did not have the means to isolate their family members. At risk are left myself, Tom, Sam, Maxine & their children, Cindy & perhaps Joe & Noreen. Other than myself, all are vaccinated & have been eating well, resting properly most of the time & working hard enough to guarantee good health. I suspect we'd probably be fine although statistically, some would sicken & a few of those would die. I don't like the idea of making that call, of imposing that decision on others. Playing God is best left to God. He calls us home when He sees fit.
Still, even at my age I'm impatient & sometimes I feel like marching outside, looking up at the heavens, shaking my fist & shouting: "Well get on with it then!". Absurd to think it's my role to question the Almighty, but I'm only human after all, not blessed with great wisdom, understanding of knowledge of His purpose. I can only take events as they come, relying on His guidance & His love for all His creatures.
Oh my! News from upstairs. It's been about 3 hours now since the pair of men retrieved our note. Now, Sarah reports they're walking back up the hill with what looks to be... a mailbox??? And, a hammer. Sarah says... yes, they appear to have some sort of note or package with them! Oh wonderful. Even if they're simply telling us to let them be, we're going to have some initial contact. They've reached the top of the rise now & Sarah is excited. Tom is up there with a second set of binoculars & he reports that both men are smiling & waving at the house here! Now one man is giving a 'thumbs up' gesture & the other is... oh what a GOOD idea. He's hammered a mailbox into the ground up there, has visibly placed something in the box & how cute!, has raised the little red delivery flag.
Well now that certainly shows some quick thinking & what an excellent idea. Now, assuming what's in the note is good news, we don’t have to waste time looking for indications of messages. If the flag is up, something's there. If not, no point in heading over. Alex & Jean are getting their boots & jackets on & will head over immediately, leaving a note saying they'll read the note left for us & try to reply before dark.
I'm dying to read what they have to say; we all are, but we'll have to wait until Alex & Jean are back & I suppose I'd best use the necessary before I get too excited or a line develops!