It's getting pretty late, but I left my watch in the bedroom Noreen gave me, so I'm not sure what time it is. I think it's getting close to morning. I bet I'm as comfortable as anyone in the farmhouse! I'm sitting in a pile of hay, covered almost to my ears in nice, warm hay & Noreen's cat Smoky is curled up on my lap, purring up a storm. I have a thermos of hot chocolate with me that I brought when I snuck out here after Drew, Noreen & Louise were in bed. I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd spend the night with my horses.

They are WAY cool, five big, beautiful horses & Drew says I can look after them! One, I'm calling her Mitzi, 'cause that's the name that was on the stall near where we found her standing; well she's gonna have a baby in a few weeks, Drew thinks. She's a sweetie & lets me feel her stomach. Is that baby horse ever kicking! I think it wants to come out soon. It must be pretty crowded in there. I've been reading an old book of Drew's grand dad's, one which has some neat drawings about how a foal comes out. It's so cool the way something so big can come out of such a small space. I hope it doesn't get its legs caught the wrong way. Drew says he'll be here too & he's used to delivering calves. He says he can handle most problems himself. I hope so.

One of the other mares has some nasty cuts on her leg, poor thing. Grandma Anne told me how to clean it & I wrapped it up with some old white sheeting uncle Andy ripped up for me. I've changed it twice & her leg looks LOTS better. She's hardly limping anymore. I called her Daisy. The other mare, the one says Drew is the oldest, is a nice old thing. Nothing seems to bother her; she's so patient. Uncle Drew told me to practice brushing & combing on her because he figured she wouldn't freak out if I made any kind of mistake. He was right.

The stallion is HUGE; a big, gray horse with a black mane & tail. I wish he was smaller, a riding horse; but I expect if I have to get anywhere in a hurry, I could ride him. Uncle Drew says that's not a good idea, but I think he'd let me - the horse that is. I haven't named the older mare, the stallion or the gelding yet. Grandma Anne thought it might be a good idea if I let the boys each name one. As long as they don't pick dorky names, I guess that's alright.

Noreen had an old camera, one of those neat ones that develops the picture right in front of you & I took pictures of the horses for Uncle Sam to bring back & show the boys. They'll see just how big those horses are! Lifting up their feet to clean their hooves hard on my back, even when the horses think they're co-operating.

I like it here at the farm. Uncle Drew & Aunt Noreen treat me like an adult. They should, I'm fifteen, not a kid anymore. Mom & Dad sometimes treat me like a baby & so does everybody else in the family. How come your own family is always the last to see it when you're grown up? Old stoops! They still think they can hide things from me, but they don't really do a good job. I know when something's going on, even when they don't want to let me know.

They think I'm too young to understand that living here, growing our own food & looking after the animals is going to be a ton of work. Of course I know that! I read the Little House on the Prairie books when I was younger, but I've also read some diaries from other women & girls who lived like that & they all mention how hard it was. But if they could do it, so can I. We all can & I think it will be kind of neat living like that.

I just wish there was someone here my age. The boys really are babies & even Louise, Uncle Andy & Aunt Cindy are way too old to be much fun. And it won't be work all the time. Maybe when most of this disease is gone, we'll find out other people are still living around here & maybe there will be someone I can be friends with. I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to school... well, not for a couple of years anyway.

Working on the farm, helping us all live sounds a lot more interesting than a lot of the junk we have to take at school. Who says you have to learn everything you need to be a grownup at school anyway? I'm having fun reading up about horses & chickens & planting stuff. Who knows, when this is all over, maybe I'll want to stay on the farm & work. It seems more real.

It also means I don't have to spend too much time thinking about my friends. I wonder if any of them got sick or died? That would be so bad. I mean, it's not fair you know, that little kids & even people my age are getting so sick. And what if their parents die, who's going to look after them all? Dad told me a LOT of people are dead or gonna die, like even most of the country? He said for every ten people I know, maybe six or seven will be dead when this is over. God, when I think just of the people I sit in the cafeteria with at lunch, when I think of how few might be left alive. Ugh, I don't WANT to think about it. And I don't think I want to go home, where mom & dad & the rest of us live I mean, not Grand dad's. I know too many people there that might be dead. I know, just as many people have died here, but I don't know them so it doesn't feel the same. Does that make sense? I dunno either, but that's the way I feel.

Everybody went home yesterday, except for me & Louise. Louise is SO happy to be here. She told me she was really lonely & scared by herself & she hasn't heard from Joe since this whole thing started. I hope he's okay. She's really nice & sure knows how to work! Should have seen her pulling those sleds when we brought all that stuff home. She's been looking after Grandma Anne really well too & helping Noreen in the house. She's picked out a nice part of the house for her & Joe, or only her if that's how it works out. They have a bedroom, a big combination kitchen & living room & another room Louise says they'll use to store stuff right now. But if Joe comes back & they have a baby, they've got a room for it!

Mom & Dad looked over a pretty big part of the house. It's got a big kitchen too & that's good because what they call a "parlor" or "front room" is a tiny little box & it's COLD. There are four rooms we can use as bedrooms too. There's also rooms for Aunt Cindy & Uncle Jake, a cute little mini house type thingie & a nice comfy one for Great Grandma. Even with all those rooms & all of us in them, there's more space. This isn't a house or not one I've ever seen before. Uncle Drew promised to tell me the story of his family & how & when the different parts of the house were built once we've all moved over here. I can hardly wait. He says he has old photo albums of his family, even his grandparents & I'd love to look through those.

He's going to let me look through the farm books, as he calls them; too. He says when his grand dad started farming here, he started keeping records of what he bought & how much he paid for it & also what price he got when he sold things. He did a lot of trading too & kept track of that. That might give me some ideas of what kinds of things we could get for say... selling eggs. The boys and me will have to look after all the chickens & I think it will be fun selling eggs & even the meat once we start, (ugh!), killing some of the laying hens.

Boy, there's going to be a lot to do & a lot to learn about. I thought I'd go crazy just learning how to put the harnesses together after I cleaned them. I think I've got it right but I can't figure out HOW to get them on the horses. And the collars are SO heavy. Drew is gonna have to help me until I get it figured out. I think I know how much to feed them; they're SO skinny right now, it makes me cry. Those poor things. I think it's harder to think about the animals than it is about the people. People can get help but animals are sometimes stuck. I bet a lot of peoples' pets & work animals starved to death & that's really sad. I'm glad we found the horses.

Oh, oh, I hear somebody outside. Dad is probably coming to check on me, so I'd better turn out the flashlight & pretend I'm asleep, He'll KILL me if he knows I've stayed up this late.