My turn now to add our story to the Journal. When I say ‘our’, I mean, Carol & me. Having heard everyone else’s story, I’ve seen that ours isn’t so terribly different. We were home for the holidays, heard the news & did what we could to avoid getting sick. We went for vaccines as soon as we could but Mom & Dad both got sick & died anyway. I suppose they were already infected by the time the vaccines had a chance to take hold. You know by now what that illness is like. Luckily in a sense, my parents didn’t last long & died within about a day of each other. I had no way to bury them & there was no way we could stay home.

You’ll remember what the weather was like in January. Here we were, Carol & me trying to get into town. We had thought that by moving as quickly as we could, we could make the 10 or so miles in within a few days. Stupid; in my mind I’d envisioned ploughed roads & reasonable weather. I also forgot how young carol is. She may appear to be a bundle of energy but a lot of walking in very cold weather saps anyone’s strength quite quickly. We couldn’t just march off down the road either. Before we lost power, the news was full of stories of people attacking others out of fear, wanting their supplies… there was no way we could openly stroll down the roads towards town.

As it turned out, after three days out there, we hadn’t gone more than about 5 miles – nuts or what? But we had to sneak around & when the road looked too open, we waited until dark & moved to the next cover. Several times, we’d creep on what on what we thought were empty houses only to discover they were still inhabited. Obviously we avoided those; I just didn’t feel safe taking risks. When we did find houses with no one there, I tried to avoid those with bodies & most of them unfortunately, had bodies. Carol didn’t need that so we’d move on. When we did find a home with no one there, I’d break in, make sure it was safe, then Carol & I would eat & rest & try to warm up. It was a lot slower than I’d imagined it would be & both Carol & I were still really upset about losing our parents. We ‘knew’ this disease did that, but seeing it with your own family. Nothing prepares you for that.

We weren’t that far from your place actually when we found the others. Our house was actually between town here & the next village over, but I know my parents paid their taxes here. We heard them first, hard to miss the dogs barking. Poor Carol, I shoved her down into a snow bank, face first I think. I stuck my head over the edge & saw what had to be the strangest thing imaginable. A couple of dog teams, people running with them & what seemed to be kids on the sleds. Kids? That had to be good, I figured, but I waited a while longer. When they were about 500 yards away, I figured they looked okay. Carol was at the end of her rope anyway & something told me this was a chance worth taking. I stood on the road & waved, making sure Carol stayed hidden. I don’t know what she would have done if something had happened to me, but she deserved a chance.

We ended up here & you all know what kind of greeting we got, how we were fed, warmed up & made welcome. It was pretty overwhelming even though everyone was so kind. Carol & I had gotten into the mindset that we were really on our own, that the world was against us. It sure seemed that way. We had no contact with the outside world & when we left, didn’t dare try & speak with anyone. More than once, we heard gunshots & screams. That was awful & I couldn’t hide that from Carol. She’s always been a bubbly, funny little kid but like others here you’ve spoken about, she grew very quiet for a time & very shy. Carol’s never been shy, but since all this started, she sure has been. Maybe we spoke too much of the dangers at home, before my parents died. Well okay, it needed to be talked about, but maybe we should have spoken less in front of Carol.

Now here we are & we’ve been what – about a month now? In some ways it feels as though we just arrived. We felt terribly alone for so long. In other ways, not sure why, we feel as though we’ve simply slipped into the day to day operations of the family, the group already here. That is so odd, yet so wonderful. Oh the first week was really hard, tiring even. We had only met those we arrived with & here was a whole bunch more people to get to know. Even the house took time getting used to. Do you know how many times I got lost trying to find the kitchen the first few days? The idea of gathering in the evening, exchanging stories – I really have liked that. It’s been for me, the quickest way of getting to know all the people here. I think it’s helped Carol too. She’s been acting shy but she’s pretty observant & sitting with everyone in the early evenings, listening to everyone’s stories & sharing our discussions about work plans has given her a decent grasp of who everyone is, what their skills are & as they themselves have often mentioned, what they feel their flaws & weaknesses are. It’s been good for her & I think she’s starting to come out of her shell a bit.

She sure enjoys all the animals. We couldn’t have pets, dad had pretty nasty allergies to cats & dogs & I know Carol felt ‘cheated’. Well you can say she’s making up for that now. She loves that kitten, although I think she’s wanting to change its name & the calves & foals are fascinating for her. She’s told me she really wants to have her own little garden, as we’ve planned for the kids. She wants to grow catnip! Not sure we have seeds for that, but maybe we can find something close to that. She also wants to grow her own pumpkin plant for next Halloween. She’s enjoying the company of the other kids, especially the girls & although she’s not totally comfortable with the idea of riding, she’s working hard at it. She’s not fond of the dog teams either & seems more inclined to ant to work in the house & the garden. No problem there – plenty of work everywhere for everyone.

I’m sure having a tough time coping with all this. Man, 3 months ago I was getting ready to write my first semester finals for grade twelve. I had English, Journalism, World History, Philosophy, Creative Writing & Psychology. I loved those course, talk about stuff that makes you THINK. Second semester, I was taking an advanced Journalism seminar with some time at a local newspaper included. I also had European History in the Twentieth Century, Sociology, General Science & Math. It was going to be a tough semester after a series of long exams, but I was really looking forward to it. My college applications were in for Journalism Studies & I had every hope of getting accepted to a few excellent schools. Mom & Dad had money saved & I’ve been working summers for a couple of years now. Things were looking really good for me.

Now, I feel completely lost, I really do. The adults have skills & knowledge & what do I have except a lot of questions. Even Mark has a skill, working with the horses. Annette is pretty good with them too. I feel like I should be concentrating on learning some specialty really well in order to help everyone out. This might sound strange but here’s why I don’t want to do that. Call it superstitious but part of me feels that if I do that, if I learn something like harvesting corn for example, really well; then I’m giving up on any chance of us getting back what we’ve lost. Man, am I ever feeling mixed up about it. I don’t want everything back the way it was. Some of it didn’t work; a lot of other things didn’t make any sense to me. But, I knew it, kind of. I could work with it, knew that for every action ‘a’ I took, consequence ‘b’ would probably result. Now I feel like I’m turning in circles. There’s no instruction manual for this new life however long it may last. We’re all groping blindly. Hell, what exactly are we groping for? I bet if you asked everyone to answer that, you’d have a lot of different answers. Some are obvious. Right now, everyone wants to stay alive. Most of us want at least SOME of what we were used to come back. What parts we’d like to see returned probably are different for everybody.

And what about society at large? As someone wanting to be a journalist, it was recommended I do a lot of “people study” courses & I’ve found them fascinating. It was awesome to realize that I was living at a time where systems were changing quickly. Family structures haven’t changed this quickly since… I’m not sure if they ever did. It was getting harder to find families who still had both parents at home. Extended families? Forget it. Everybody dumped Grampa into nursing homes when he needed care. Crime rates were up, delinquency; all that sort of stuff. Nobody seemed really happy anymore.

But now, wow! It’s like we’ve all been slipped into a time machine & sent back 150 years. Look at us. MT, her daughter, her daughter’s kids & their kids. Four generations all in 1 place. We have adopted aunts, uncles & cousins, kind of & while we’re not used to it at all, I’m sure seeing why such groups would have had a better chance of making it in the good old days. It’s harder to get time alone, sometimes you really have to make an effort. It’s a pain when 4 kids ask you 17 questions before lunch. But, if YOU need to ask something about something, someone probably has the answer. Some people here are great to tell jokes to, others really good sources of advice on all kinds of stuff. I’m having a great time just shooting the bull with Tom & Morgan. They both have a neat way of looking at stuff. Tom has lots more time in school, but Morgan is far from stupid. He’s asked me to help him with some reading; we’re going through Walden together right now & Tom has some more books put aside for him. We read together, sometimes just Morgan & I, sometimes with Tom. We try to read a few pages or at least a few paragraphs, then discuss it. That’s new for Morgan – discussing books & the ideas expressed in them & how they relate to us today. He’s really getting off on it & I’m looking forward to reading with him next winter. Heck, maybe we can go over some basic sociology together. He’s really good with people & seems to figure them out easily enough. I bet he’d love to read through a formal framework for explaining & describing societies.

I think this next year is going to produce all sorts of fascinating family & group structures, new ways of relating & the renewal of old ways. I can watch our group here, but would love the chance to see how other groupings are working things out. What sorts of reasons will people find for staying together? Getting together is easy enough to figure out. It’s easier to stay alive this year if you’re with a group of people; all prepared to work to grow food & stuff. But what I want to know, is after people figure out what they're doing -–what is going to KEEP people together? With families, that’s not too hard to figure out. But what about couples & singles who form large family groups or communities? Man, I’d love to have my pyschology texts, as well as my sociology books here; just for reference. In some cases, it will be complementary skills. We’re kind of an example of that. Some may form communities based on religion, politics, how they view raising kids. I hope out there somewhere; someone is going to be paying attention to that kind of stuff.

I’ve spent some time with the binoculars, looking at the group that has settled across the field. There are about 4 adults; I think a couple of older girls & a half dozen kids. Are we looking at families who got together or what? Do they have the knowledge they need? The radio station mentions a new group every day, sometimes more often. Many are singles who have gotten together only because they’re tired of coping alone. Some are advertising themselves as having certain skills & trades to offer I exchange for other things – food, shelter & company. Pretty cool.

Now what about later on if this goes on for any length of time? People my age at some point are going to want to get married. So… is there going to be a legal way of doing that or what? I guess people will arrive at their own solutions for that. And divorce although I suspect we won’t see as much of that for a while. What about looking after older relatives or group members, as they grow increasingly unable to look after themselves? Will we still have compassion? Some babies will be born handicapped; what happens then?

We’re lucky here; Tom is a teacher, a good one even if he only specializes in English type courses. MT used to teach elementary school so she’s perfect for the little guys. But when they get older, are we going to be able to handle other subjects well? If not, can we find others who can or will we have some kid of school system set up by then?

So many things to worry about later on. Some of the road out front is already crumbling at the edges. The paved highways are going to be breaking down over the next few years & there’s no transportation departments left, not that I know of, to fix them up. Even if there were, what do they fix them with & when? What about running the town? Who is responsible for what? I see why Tom is always saying thinking about stuff like that produces major headaches.

Okay, I’ll admit it – I’m scared, really scared about what will happen to us all down the road. I can’t forget we bombed Iraq with a nuke. Iraq is no longer a problem but we’ve got to have pissed off a lot of countries by doing that. At some point in time, someone may come knocking at the door here & it won’t be the Welcome Wagon. What if we’re attacked by another country? I don’t know who could begin to do that in the near future; it’s hardly likely to be Canada! Or Mexico for that matter. But we have no communications with countries other than apparently a little bit from Canada & Mexico, so who knows what could happen? We don’t really have any army left either. It would come down to all of us who are left, trying to first defend ourselves & our families, then maybe our communities. Man, that is freaky & frightening to think about. It almost makes me hope every other country is as messed up as we are & in no position to even think of doing anything like that some time down the road. I keep thinking, a lot of countries still have nukes & whatever happened to our nuclear submarines, anyway? I haven’t heard anything about them or what’s going on with our missal silos. What could be happening in Russia or China? Man, I don’t think I really want to know right now.

Anyway, it’s getting close to bedtime for me. Tomorrow, after our morning chores, Tom, Sam & me; maybe Morgan will slowly & super casually walk over to close to the “new” neighbors’ place, just to say “hey” & leave a sealed note. I’m excited & scared about it –we all are. I hope it works out well & that we find they’re just like us; ordinary folks scared & doing their best. That would be the best news – that & finding out they’ve all survived smallpox or been exposed & not gotten sick.

Maybe I’ll have time to write about it tomorrow.