A man complained to his friend, "My elbow hurts. I better go to the doctor."

"Don't do that," volunteered his friend, "there's a new internet based toilet app for your cell phone that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
All you have to do is attach it to your toilet, pair it with your phone, give it a urine sample in the normal way, it swipes $10BTC, then the app will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment."

The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he downloaded the Internet toilet app, deposited the urine, his cell phone began to go boop beep boop beep and the green light flashed on and off.
After a short pause, text came which said:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks.

After paying for his diagnosis, he began to suspect fraud.

To test his theory he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and teenage daughter. To top it all of, he masturbated into the jar.
He poured this concoction in the toilet.
The internet toilet app went through the same flashing routine as before then texted the following message:



Your tap water has lead. Get a filter.
Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins.
Your daughter is on drugs. Get her in rehab.
Your wife is pregnant. It's not your baby. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.